Vision-Watching TV

TV Stars 9" x 12 " watercolors

There had not been any more wavey vertical or horizontal lines, or faces with sunflowers in front. I was even able to read the newspaper, most magazines, and books with decent sized print without reading glasses. I used those for smaller print, when I had a lot of reading to do and, before I retired, for forms like roll and grade sheets. I had to use the glasses a lot when I was still teaching.

I was watching tv, something I do a lot of. Some of it was not all that clear. At lunch, I liked to have a sandwich while I watched the British comedies on tv. It was like having lunch with a friend. But, in order to make out the faces, or specific scenery, I had to stand up and walk over closer to the tv set. Sometimes, at night, while watching programs with the family, I would sketch or read my book. I wasn't all that interested in the programs, but it was time together while the younger crowd enjoyed what they wanted to watch.

I was also having to ask the younger folks what time it was, or what the words were on tv. I could read them, if I walked over to the tv set.

One night, I was watching one of the late night talk shows in which Phyllis Diller was a guest. How odd! She seemed to have two mouths, two noses, two sets of eyes and eyebrows, two jaws, while her neck and body were normal. I grabbed my watercolor paper. Then Jimmy Kimmel was on and he seemed to have two faces in profile, with his facial features a bit distorted. A man playing the piano seemed to have three heads in different positions while he was actually just sitting there, not moving around much. I switched to Jay Leno and he, too, had two mouths, double eyes and nose, as well as the side of his face appeared to be doubled. I sketched them to remember what I was seeing.

Lines of print were double and fuzzy, and had a wave in them, similar to what the venetian blinds looked like previously. I added a few lines of print to my sketch.

The next day, as I was watching one of my favorite British comedies, "As Time Goes By", Judi Dench seemed to have a very distorted face. A very long, curved nose, double eyes, cheeks, and lips, as well as the side of her face. She had on a wide brimmed hat and a suit, which were clear. Goeffrey Palmer also had a distorted face, with a long, curved nose, while the rest of him was clear. I sketched them, too, then added watercolors.

In the mail, I received a notice that it was time to renew my drivers license. I was sure that, at my age, that would involve an eye test. With what was going on with my vision, I feared I would need glasses.

I had been using some $5 reading glasses and a pair of drugstore glasses that I had for years. The doctor had given me a prescription for glasses at the last visit, as he said my distance vision had changed slightly. But, he added, I really didn't need them. Drugstore glasses would do just as well, if I felt I needed something. I stuck with my little cheap glasses, which worked for me.

But that had been a couple of years ago, so I thought my vision must have changed and that's why things were looking funny.

Problem was, paying for a copay and glasses. I couldn't afford Medicare anymore, and had lost my good insurance when I retired. I still had retired teachers insurance, which required people to have Medicare as well. They would pay for very little. My income had dropped to about 1/3 of what I made while I worked, but expenses kept going up.

I had quit taking medicine or going to doctors after I found how little the insurance would pay. Even when I had both Medicare and retirement insurance, they wouldn't pay for a lot of things, including the ambulance to take me to the ER when I couldn't get out of bed due to my knees. ( I still think that was extremely necessary, but they didn't. Their information didn't say that ambulance transport was only for life threatening situations, which is why they said they wouldn't pay. ) I could manage some drugstore glasses, but not the kind with a prescription, or a doctor's visit.

One more expense to have to worry about, but I had until after Christmas to renew my license. So, I just put that in the back of my mind. I was sure that glasses were in order, but feared that they might tell me that the cataracts were causing my problems. I tried not to think about it, and prayed that I only needed something that was really cheap.

I wasn't driving, due to my knees, anyway, so it could wait until Christmas was over. The distortions were just a minor inconvenience as I watched tv or tried to see the time on the clock on the cable box or the stove. That could be remedied by asking someone, or getting up and walking closer.

Painful knees and feet (from nerve damage), fluid, and other things like the need for money, seemed to be more pressing, but I couldn't do anything about those, either.

I thought that the tv stars might either get a laugh, or be upset, if they realized how I see them from a little distance.

Some glasses would solve the problem, I was sure.

Vision-Vertical Lines

Where Do I Turn?

3.5" x 8"

watercolors

Wavey Verticals

A few weeks passed and I dismissed the strange incidents that I had with my vision. Nothing further had happened, but I did have a little apprehension about why I had seen wavey horizontal lines in the blinds and the handrail, and the purple and green "sunflower" over the lawyer's face. It probably wouldn't happen again.

Then, one afternoon, while I was riding in a car, I saw a wavey telephone pole. This was different. Previously, the wavey lines had all been horizontal. Now vertical things were looking curved. I blinked and blinked, but it only went away when I could no longer see the pole.

A couple of days later, my sister was in town. She wanted me to act as her navigator, telling her where to turn as we drove. That was an impossible task for me because, suddenly, not only did I see wavey telephone poles, but the sign posts were wavey. Lettering on the signs blurred as we seemed to whiz past. I could only tell where to turn if I could find a familiar bunch of trees or, once past the road, I could tell that we were supposed to have turned there.

Blinking didn't help, but, by the time I got home, the lines were straight again.

I had not been driving for a while due to the need for knee replacement. I could drive, but I just thought it was not the thing to do, just in case my reactions with my knees were not just perfect. I really didn't have a need to drive, though, since I had retired. Money was very tight and I didn't feel that I could afford to go anywhere anyway.

I had planned to do things when I had time. But, I really was glad to be at home and thought I would just play "Grandma" and do things like bake for my grandsons. I was out of practice and the food budget wouldn't allow me to experiment and possibly waste food. My few attempts were not very successful, so I gave that up. I really had planned to work longer, but, once I quit, there were no jobs locally in my field. So, I decided that it would be great to just stay at home, even if I did have to be a bit on the frugal side. As prices rose, though, we had to cut out more and more things. I was still thinking about a job when my knees got so bad that I couldn't get out of bed.

We had to call an ambulance to take me to the ER. They said I should be admitted, but there were no beds. So, I got a shot, some pain pills, and was sent home. We had to call the fire deparment to get me back up the stairs and in bed. I was told I needed knee replacements, so I began that process. Then, I found how little my insurance would pay. So, I stayed at home, took pain pills and slept, and gradually, I was able to walk again.

For years, I had gotten by with my bad knees by getting cortisone shots in my knees and taking Vioxx. Before I retired, the doctors thought that I had Lukemia, but it turned out to be that my white blood cell count would spike when I got the cortisone shots. So, no more shots. Then they took Vioxx off the market. Soon, I was not able to stand up or get up and down out of a chair.

I had been very reluctant to have any surgery, for years. However, the day I went to the ER, I would have been willing to do most anything to stop the pain. Instead, they sent me home. I was getting up my nerve to go through with getting my knees done, when I realized that with my new retirement insurance, I wouldn't be able to afford it.

Then, when my eyes started doing strange things, and I couldn't read signs or tell where I was without a big building or familiar landmark, I knew that it was a good thing that I didn't have to drive, for now.

My eyes didn't hurt and I tried to not think about the distortion that happened a couple of times. I thought that must be behind me because it didn't happen anymore.

As we visited my aunt in the nursing home, she had been in a counting mood. She counted buttons, numbers on the clock-anything she could find. She had always seemed to be on the "left brain" side, liking to deal with numbers and bookwork, and not caring for artistic or writing pursuits. It was dark when we left, so my sister wanted me to navigate as she drove. This was a strange town to her. We only went a few blocks when the glow of a parking lot while we were stopped for a red light, attracted my attention.

Pods of lights seemed to cluster all around the light pole. I counted several times to be sure of what I was seeing. Not one big light, or even a group of lights. But, that one light looked like it was actually 22 lights. As we got closer, of course, I could see that it was only one light on a pole. I counted out loud so that my sister could understand that my vision couldn not be counted on to get us home.

"Are you counting like our aunt, now?" she asked.

"No, that's just how many lights I am seeing on that pole," I answered.

I didn't think that she realized that we may not find our way if she depended on me to read the signs. She did find her way, with a very little bit of help from me.

These small watercolors were done using Winsor Newton watercolors on 140 pound Arches watercolor paper.

Parking Lot Lights

2.5" x 4"

watercolors

22 Lights on a Pole - Really One

Vision-Across The Desk

Across The Desk 9" x 12" watercolors

Shades of Renee Magritte!

I settled into the chair beside my sister while the lawyer sat down behind his desk. I was amazed that there was no clutter in the room, including on the desk. No papers or books which would, to me, indicate that he was doing a lot of work. "How can people be so neat and get anything done," I commented to myself. "Maybe the secretaries have all the paperwork in their offices." We exchanged plesantries and my sister and the lawyer began to talk business.

While I recognized him as someone active in the community, I am sure that he didn't remember me from the times I had encountered him, mainly in connection with community activies that involved my students and the youth of the county. And I had been in to see him with relatives who had been his clients while they were still alive or able to get around.

As they talked, I studied the room and the man sitting across the desk from me. Light seemed to come from the right although there were no windows in the room. He had distinctive thick, curly steel gray hair and heavy eyebrows. His jaw line was firm and strong. His shirt picked up blue tones that matched his eyes. A patch of light fell on his left shoulder, as he moved in his chair.

I didn't know the particulars of what they were discussing, which was alright with me. As usual, I was looking at things as if I might paint them some day.

As I looked away from the paneled wall to the man across from me, the light coming from the side seemed a little stronger and more of a yellow cast as if the morning sun were streaming in.

But, his face. His face was just....gone!

I could see his jaw, his shirt and tie, his hair, ears, and part of his eyebrow on one side of his face. Instead of a face, there was a large purple spot that looked like a big circle of transparent watercolors. Around the spot, there were spikey green petals. It looked like a big sunflower with weird colors. The center was purple and the petals were green.

"It's those cataracts again," I told myself.

I blinked and blinked, I looked away, I looked at other things. Everything else looked normal, except for the man's face. Had the lawyer been replaced by an alien, without anyone else noticing or skipping a beat in their conversation? I knew that wasn't true, but what on earth was happening to his face! I rubbed my eyes and looked at the floor for a little while. The purple spot remained.

As we left the office, I was relieved to leave the "sunflower" and the man's face behind me and see the world normally again. Still, it made me feel strange. I turned to trying to get a picture of some interesting, colorful cable spools in a fenced area across the street. Behind those, the new leaves of spring green were splashed with white blossoms, and a peaked roof pushed its way above those fresh colors of this spring day. "That would make a nice picture!" It was good to see things normally, without a "sunflower" blocking what I was trying to see.

I didn't think I was that upset or feeling extremely anxious about anything as we talked in the office, so I didn't think of it as something to do with nerves. Whatever it was, I was just glad that it was gone, and over with!

That lawyer must have thought I was really weird with all my blinking and looking everywhere, even looking at him so much as I tried to figure out what I was seeing. Or maybe he didn't even notice me.

Despite the unsettling experience, I felt that I had seen something similar in art. It finally hit me that the covered face reminded me of the work of the artist Renee Magritte. In my classes, we had read about Magritte and looked at his work in books and magazines. Instead of a sunflower, that I had seen, Magritte was famous for his painting of a man, wearing a bowler, with an apple covering the inside of his face. Later, I couldn't help but wonder if Magritte had a bit of the same problem with his eyes as I am having. But, considering his other works, I'm not sure about that.

"Across the Desk" was done on a piece of 9"x12" 140 # Arches watercolor paper with Winsor Newton watercolors.

Vision - Another Weird Thing

Wavey Handrail 4.5" x 5.5" watercolors
The principal spoke, papers were handed out to the audience explaining how the students did on the TAKS test, refreshments could be purchased in the cafeteria. After the program, visitors spread through the halls and rooms of the elementary school to meet the teachers who would be working with the students during the coming year.
It was a welcoming school and seemed like schools really should be. I could relax and enjoy visiting with the teachers and parents, especially since I no longer was the teacher. As a grandparent and retired teacher, I could talk about my grandsons and plans for the year with teachers I had known for years. No stress here.
I stood in the hall talking with a group of teachers. Exiciting things were in store for the third grade this year. Once the TAKS tests were over, they might even learn how to write in cursive. The hall went from the art room, past third grade rooms, to join another hall . Fluorescent lights in the ceiling cast their blue glow, while yellow lights from the rooms bounced across the walls. I looked at the perspective and lines as well as the colors and lighting in the halls, and looked for interesting poses of the people.
Was that distant hall always there? Or had it, perhaps been added during the remodeling during the summer? I realized that I had never been all the way down the hall. I always passed by the art room, or I only went as far as my grandson's classroom.
I wonder why the hand rail on that distant hall is wavey on the right side? Must be the cataracts again, just like those blinds the other day in my room at home. I blinked as the doctor had told me to do when I was told that I had the beginnings of cataracts. Too soon to do anything about them. I kept blinking, but the rail kept its wave.
I turned to go on to another room and tried to find other things that might be waving. Everything was normal. I looked back down the hall as I left, and it appeared straight. Blinking must have worked.
It was the floaters in my eyes that seemed to be a bit of an annoyance. The doctor had asked me if they looked like something under a microscope, and they did. When I first noticed them, I was still teaching. When I was bored and didn't feel it was appropriate to draw, write, or talk, in times like during some meetings, I would "play" with the things in my eyes. One large one in particular, shaped like a C, made a great ball to bounce. I played basketball, dribbled, shot baskets, and could throw it back and forth while my body was still and I was silent. I'll bet there are speakers who wonder what on earth was wrong with my eyes! Sometimes in church or other places where I had to stay awake and be quiet and still, I would draw with my eyes. I would trace or outline around walls, windows, posts, stained glass windows, and even people. In the choir, we faced an opposite wall instead of the congregation. One day, I was outlining away during church and was relieved that I was able to stifle yawns and stay awake with my little activity. After church, as people came to compliment the choir and the organist (my mother), one woman told me that I had the most expressive eyes! She said my eyes just danced all during the service. I smiled and thanked her. Little did she know that I had "drawn" most of the interior of the church, except for what was behind me, with my "dancing eyes". That was before I had the floaters to actually play with.

Vision-The Beginning

Wavey Blinds 5.5" x 5.5" watercolor

It Starts

"That's odd," I thought. Afternoon light brightened the white blinds and spilled onto my drafting table in my bedroom. I looked across the room as I dressed to go to a meeting at my grandson's school. The blinds seemed to be curving at one end.

I had been told a few years ago that I had the beginning of cataracts, but it was too soon to do anything about them. The doctor told me to just blink until it cleared up. I blinked, but the curve remained until I moved closer. I thought that, perhaps, the cataracts might be a bit worse, or, maybe, I might needed some new glasses. I had a perscription for glasses, but the doctor told me that reading glasses would work just as well. So, I kept using my old reading glasses.

But, this weird vision was a bit unsettling. It wasn't everywhere, and it wasn't blurry. Just that one end of the blinds, in that one window, curved. I dressed, went on to the meeting and I didn't see the distortion anymore. I imagined that it was just some quirky little thing. Maybe it was from staying up all night for too many nights, and my eyes were just tired. Probably nothing since it didn't continue.

As I tried to paint this, I realized that I was having some trouble making some lines connect.

My original purpose in starting a blog was to share some of my recent vision experiences with others. I did some searches online and didn't see anything like what has been happening to me. In frustration with what was going on, I turned to painting my experiences, and hoped that maybe someone else can relate, or benefit from my "adventures".

As I investigated starting a blog, several people encouraged me to put my art work and little stories in a blog. Others seem to enjoy the stories and my art work, so I wanted to share those as well.

Now that holidays and the Calvert High reunion have passed, I thought I would start sharing my Vision paintings and experiences. Some of you may find some of my paintings to be a bit disturbing. Art isn't always pretty, happy, and fun, just as occurs in life. However, this series is a record of what has happened to me. History, perhaps. It is also something that might happen to anyone. I had never heard of it, myself, so I had to learn quite a bit. I was told by one doctor's office, that about 75% of their patients are being treated for AMD, and the number is growing as the population ages. I've encountered quite a few people who have AMD, once I let people know that I have it. Otherwise, people don't seem to mention it. Maybe it is something that people need to be a bit more open about. That way, it wouldn't be such a shock when it hits.

This painting was done with Winsor Newton watercolors on 140 pound Arches watercolor paper. This is a detail, 1/4 of a composite painting, that can be divided. In the full size painting, 9" x 12", I have shown four different stages of changes that I recognized in my vision. There are more paintings

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The Gully

The Gully

8.5" x 11 "

Pencil

That looks dangerous

It started as a tiny little forked line in the soil of the field. As it moved to a slight downhill slope toward the Brazos, the line deepened until it was about the depth of a finger, then to the ankle, to the calf, to the knee, and, soon, as the line was followed, it was deep enough to jump into. The wash grew increasingly deep from shoulder depth to above the head.

As little girls, we were soon climbing over outcroppings of orange and brown hardened earth, shaped by water rushing to the Brazos River through the ages.

Kathryn often invited friends and classmates out to her family's farm in Milam county, across the Brazos River from Calvert, where we went to school, and most of us lived. There were all kinds of things to do on the farm, from playing games, looking at the animals, and riding her horse. And, of course, there was the gully to explore. There might be a couple of guests or a whole group, along with our guide who must have spent a lot of time learning all about that gully as it changed.

For posterity, we carved our initials into the sides of the gully. I've shown those in my drawing. I wonder if they are still there, or have they been washed away by rain and the gully filling during times of flooding.

As usual, I was afraid, but didn't dare to show it. But I know from my hesitation to do some things, the girls all knew that I was a big sissy. I was afraid that they might just leave me out there, lost. That we might encounter a snake or a spider, or who knows what might have been out there. Something from one of the horror movies that were becoming popular or from one of the outer space movies. Maybe an escaped Prisoner of War from the POW Camp at Hearne.

But, usually, her father wasn't too far away, in case we needed him. Sure enough, there was the time that someone sprained an ankle and we couldn't finish our tour. Her father came quickly and carried the wounded explorer to the house. And, another time, when we reached the end of the gully, and the River, where large rocks spilled across the water to a large sandbar, the girls all crossed the rocks, leaving me in the gully. We planned to spend the afternoon sunbathing and just talking on the sandbar. But, when I saw the slippery rocks, with water swirling around them, I thought of all the warnings I had heard all my life, about that dangerous river. How people were often pulled under water by whirlpools, and how there was unseen quicksand that would also suck a person under. I feared that I would slip on a rock and fall into a whirlpool or quicksand. So, Kathryn got her father, who guided me across, then came back to bring me back when we were through sunbathing. I don't think the water was very deep beside the rocks, but I was sure it was treacherous. Eventually, I made it across without her father's help.

I didn't add all the girls in my drawing who went to the gully at various times since that would be too crowded. But, I did show Kathryn, with her coiled braids, urging us to come on up and over the blocked place; Missie and Pat, on the left; Sandra and Shirley who are climbing down after carving their initials on the right; and me, fearing to climb. I added a couple of other girls' initials, who I know had also visited the gully. Kathryn's sister, Joyce, and my sister, Barbara, are not in the picture. Joyce was older and I don't recall that she hung out with us, but I feel sure that she might have visited that gully at some time as she grew up. Of course, we are all dressed in girls' jeans, rolled up at the bottom, and short sleeved shirts. My braids and ribbons have come down, ribbons hanging. We wore oxfords or penny loafers and socks, rolled over. Later, the socks had to be rolled over 3 times. Tennis shoes were not in style for anything except sports that required them. Sometimes, if it was muddy, we would wear cowboy boots on our adventures.

To me, the gully was like a smaller Grand Canyon. Constantly changing, and very deep.

My sister, a visiting cousin, his wife, my aunt, and I rode out to the Brazos River last Thursday, and rode through the Bottom from Bryan to Hearne. Something the whole family used to do a lot. We have seen the tv news pictures of the flooding along the Brazos and other rivers. The Brazos was flowing swiftly with brown, racing water in our area, up to the bank, but not overflowing. Since the dam at Waco was built, we haven't seen major flooding from the River. Before the dam was built, however, I remember driving out just a little way from Hearne and Calvert, and seeing the river out of its banks, as far as I could see. Houses and fields were underwater or floating away. This happened regularly, before the dam was built. I worried that the rivers would come into town, but that didn't happen. In recent times, there were other floods, but not from the Brazos.

When my great-aunt was married, the Brazos and the Little Brazos Rivers met. I can always remember the year of her wedding as that is the year of the big flood-1913. Because of the flood, it took the preacher, who was the groom's brother, three days to get back home after the wedding.

I wonder how deep that gully is now, especially after all this rain. I do know that we are all too elderly to be climbing in a gully, these days.

"The Gully" was drawn on cardstock using a #314 Sanford Draughting Pencil.

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Patriotism

Morning
8.5" x 11"
pencil


Raise the flag,
sound the trumpets,
pledge our allegiance
to God and country.







Each morning, Calvert High School faculty and students, proudly gathered around the flag pole in front of the three story brick building, to stand at attention, watching the flag being carefully raised. The Pledge of Allegiance was said, the National Anthem was sung, sometimes a prayer was given, or special words from the superintendent or principal. Freddie Bob and Judy brought their trumpets in times when music was called for. Lessons were given on respect for the flag and flag ettiquette.
The morning sun behind the school, left long shadows across the little hill where the school is located. Morning dew still glistened and mourning doves in the nearby park could be heard cooing during moments of silence. A farmer's cornfield and tank formed a background to the north. His cozy little home was just on the other side of the road from the new gym.
There were more students and teachers than I have shown in my drawing, although we did have a fairly small school. Still, we had a quality education, that included the teaching of values, social skills, faith, and patriotism. We usually stood in a circle around the flagpole, but I thought that would make the picture too crowded. I indicated the older student body with shadows, younger ones with a pair of female teachers.
So many lady teachers then seemed to be older, had gray or white hair, dressed in "old lady clothes", dark with lace or a sweetheart neckline. There were strict rules for dress and conduct, especially for women teachers. A group of athletes, ag students are on the opposite side of the flagpole since the gym, ag building, and sports facilities were outside the main building. Male teachers and administrators are represented by the two men on the left. The younger students beside the women teachers represent elementary students (from the basement or first floor), middle school students (from the second floor). High school students were from the third floor.
I used a combination of hair and clothing styles from the times, with puffed sleeves, pleated plaid skirts, rolled over socks, penny loafers, curls, shirts and slacks, or overalls, for the boys.
Freddie Bob and Judy are in their trumpet playing poses.
During our time as students there, we were present as the community planted trees and placed marble markers in rememberance of former students who died in the war. A large marble drinking fountain was installed in front of the school and dedicated to veterans. A plaque inside the school was dedicated to those who served. Flags were prominent at every program and in every part of the school. We gathered in study halls to listen to historic speeches on the radio. And, there was the occasional movie shown in the auditorium-not for entertainment, but for stories about the war, or literature.
We should have kept all the patriotic things we did in school. Our pride in our country, and our God, is part of our strength. Gathering around the flag pole , declaring our allegiance to our country, every day seems like a good thing.