Vision-Latest Eye Chart

Latest Eye Chart

5" x 7"

ink

I showed my art work on vision to the doctor and others in his office, while I went for an appointment to check my cataracts last week. This was very interesting and informative, to me, because this doctor explained some of the things that I had experienced. I wish I had had a tape recorder or asked him to write down what he told me, so that I could share it with my readers. The big words that had to do with things that happen between the brain and eyes, just flew over my head. I was a bit nervous, and astonished at what he was saying. And he did go over it kind of fast. I remember that he did say the word "classic", and he would recognize the different things, without my explanation.

They saw my pictures first, and seemed to think there wasn't much point in showing me the whole chart, down to the tiny letters at the bottom. They first showed the big 'E', which was blurry. I told them that it was an E, but I only knew that because the last time they showed it, I first said it was a landscape! Don't know why I was looking for a picture and not a letter. But, then, that is me and my right brain at work. I'm always looking for pictures, even within other pictures!

They moved the setting to the next line and I just told them it was all blurry and I really couldn't make it out. The woman who was giving me the test, left the room , and, while I sat there, I pulled out my pen and sketched what I saw. I was going to sketch some of the equipment in the room, but there wasn't time. They were amazed that I drew the chart, as I saw it.

In fact, the doctor said that he is amazed that I can draw as well as I can, the way that my eyes are.

He is ready to do my eyes toward the end of this month. But, I am thinking that maybe I should wait until I can get Medicare, which will be in another year. (Depending on what happens with all that is being proposed in this country regarding health care, and everything else! We may not be able to get anything by then, especially at my age.)

Plans are to do the good eye, then see about doing the other. I'm just chicken about this, just like I am with anything that involves needles, cutting and such things as stitiches. And I don't want to know anything, but they say you have to be awake. The worst part, for me, is usually getting an IV in!

Someone told me that they give you "the good stuff" and you wouldn't care if they cut your head off.

That's not what the doctor said. He explained that they come in, numb everything, then put you out for about 45 seconds, and then you are awake, but, by then, you can't see anything that is going on. I guess that means that you can hear and know everything. Kind of makes me sick to think about lenses and taking things out, putting other things in, cutting, etc.

He asked if I want better distance or up close. I said both, of course! I need to see distance, but I also need to be able to read, draw, and such. He advised getting better distance, for reading signs and he said that they have better results with ordinary reading glasses for up close.

He said it will only take about 10 minutes, and I would be seeing better by the next day.

I looked up cost online and it seems that this costs around $6,000 or more for each eye. I don't know about this particular place, though. I believe that they expect insurance to take care of most things. Mine won't pay for very much.

I already am going to have huge medical bills, that haven't come in yet. And have more things that need to be done. So, I am wondering about waiting on this.

Goodness knows, we all need better more affordable health care, but what is being proposed, is just wrong. Won't help a bit. I've been in that group that needed help so many times, so I have experience in this.

It hasn't been that long ago, when people complained that an office visit went up from $5 to $10. Now, it's hundreds of dollars for a simple office visit. It was once possible to pay for visits to the doctor, and it was possible to pay for a hospital visit. Now, you have to have insurance, or prepare to pay out enough to buy a home, with a few days in the hospital. I heard a local doctor being interviewed on tv last week. He said it cost $3 for an office visit and $25 for a hospital stay when he first came here. People could pay for a new baby with $125, then. I remember that an office visit was only $2, and, even then, some people could pay their medical bills with a chicken or produce from their garden.

I'm scheduled, but I'm having second thoughts about it all. It's too late for me to be able to drive again, and I'm not sure that I could even get a license, if I had to take another test, with only one eye working properly. But, would it make a big difference if I were to wait a year? Who knows what will happen in a year.

One funny thought is that, if I should get my eyes fixed, I might not see the weird things that I have been seeing. That might be a good thing! Of course, the eye with Macular Degenertation will probably never get better. I wonder if it will get worse, or has all the damage been done that is possible? The doctor said "There is the scarring" when he looked with those bright lights.

I thought that the first doctor said that there was a little AMD in the good eye. I certainly hope not!

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The next World Wide Sketch Crawl date has been announced for Saturday September 19, 2009. See http://www.sketchcrawl.com/ for more information.

Hope that we can have a group this time! Anyone else interested?

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Vision-Latest Eye Exam

Eye Exam

5" x 7"

watercolors and ink

I had my eyes checked last week, after a few years of just getting by with cataracts and wet Macular Degeneration in one eye.

You can read more about my experiences and see the pictures that illustrate my experiences by looking in my older posts. All the posts on my eye experiences are prefaced with the word VISION.

During this latest exam, in the top picture, I guess my right brain was working, and, for some reason, I was looking for a picture! I was trying to make out a landscape with a house, or barn and silo, and figure out what might be in the sky-birds? clouds? Suddenly, it occured to me that this was the biggest letter on the chart! -a big E! I was so surprised!

I struggled through a few lines of the smaller letters. They were mostly fuzzy and I had to take my best guess.

I couldn't see the chart at all with my left eye. I have a lot of scarring from the AMD on the macula in that eye, I was told. I assumed that, already.

The dr. said that my vision in my right eye has changed because of cataracts, and I'm nearsighted in that eye. He believed that my vision would be greatly improved if I get rid of the cataracts.

In the second picture, the nurse or technician, who was taking care of me, put in drops, checked pressure, and did some preliminary tests. Like this one. She started with her fingers in front of her, then moved them out, asking if I could see her fingers. I could see the tips of her fingers, when she extended them out, but I couldn't see her, except for her legs on the stool and a bit of the top of her head.

In the third picture, I had my face resting on the machine with the dr. shining bright lights into my eyes. He told me to look at his nose. He told me to look at his ear. To look to the left, etc. I had to laugh because I couldn't see his face! Just the top of his head and a bit of his shoulder. I had to guess where his nose and ear might be!

These were done in ink and watercolor on 5" x 7" sketchbook paper.

I took my series of pictures to show what I had been going through. They seemed to enjoy the work. However, I still wonder why I couldn't see anything but a black background with green squiggles in the DPS office, when I went to renew my license. I could see the letters in the doctors' offices, but not in that little box. Very strange.

I thought, it is odd that I can now read without my glasses, except for very tiny print.

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I was sad to hear of several deaths.

The first was Thelma Cunningham, age 105. I enjoyed talking to her at St. Joseph's Manor. She was proud of her artist grandson and urged me to go see his work. Since I had an interest in being a nurse, it helped that she had been a surgical nurse and her first husband had been a doctor. I'll bet she could have taught the current nurses and doctors a thing or two.

Another death was reported on the Roots list. Oklahoma story teller and veteran, Paul Odle, has died. I enjoyed sharing stories of growing up in the 1930s and 40s with Paul. People on the list looked forward to his stories about his hometown of Yukon, Oklahoma. His stories appeared in his hometown newspaper, and, he said that he had published some of his work in books. I know that a lot of people will miss him and his stories.

I haven't heard a word about this one on the news, but someone shared this on the Texas Scottish Festival List. Author Frank McCourt died. His story about his mother was told in his first big best seller, "Angela's Ashes".

I really enjoyed hearing McCourt talk, when he appeared on tv. He certainly will be missed.

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We finally got quite a bit of rain the other night. But there were storms. Lots of pictures of funnel clouds and damage, mainly to the south and east of us. We got 3-4 inches of rain, while College Station got 7 inches and over toward Snook and Caldwell, got 9 inches of rain.

The National Weather Service said today that there was not a tornado touchdown, however. Pictures and eyewitnesses said a bit different. The news had said that it might have been an F-0, a very weak tornado. That was stronger than most of us want to experience!

We had another shorter downpour the next morning. At least it has cooled the temperatures a bit. But it brought out the Fire Ants.

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Vision-Night Lights

Night Lights

9" x 12"

watercolor

I was sleeping in my aunt's room that night. I don't like the dark and, at home, I keep my tv on all night. It takes me a long time to fall asleep, so I have something to watch. I sleep a little while, wake up and watch, and go back to sleep. I sleep best after the sun comes up.

This night, I had a small radio to listen to, and no tv or light. I opened the drapes to let light from the street light on the corner come into the room. As I used to do when I was a child, before we had tv to watch, I looked out the window at the trees and light, looking for some activity, listening to the trains go through town.

But, in the old days, I didn't have Macular Degeneration and cataracts to deal with. As I looked at the windows, I blinked to try to clear up the image, but it didn't help. I could see the glow of the street light, looking somewhat like fireworks. As I looked into the dark of the street, neon green shapes marched from out of the dark window into the room. They were similar to a loose boomerang and were different sizes. But they did march, in rows, moving through the window and disappearing into the dark room. Along with the green boomerang shapes, there were some small yellow lights that floated around. One was round and stayed low while another was a sort of rectangle that flowed along with the boomerang shapes. These were not lights from houses, as the street was dark except for one house that had a hall light on, that I could not see from the bed. That light was still, while these moved along with the other shapes.

In the painting, the area below the lighter blue line is the wall. Drapes are on each side of the picture.

I closed my eyes and there were still shapes moving around, but these were more like purple against the dark.

"What are these things?" I wondered. "How can I make them go away!"

"Could they be ghosts of the people who once lived here?"

I couldn't make them disappear, so I might as well enjoy them. Just as I have said about the shapes that I saw when I got the Lucentis injection. (See posts from last year.) I might as well sit back, relax, enjoy the abstract art show. Then do some paintings of what I have seen.

Share those with others who might encounter the same thing.

Maybe I could just remember the people who once lived here, or write a story from the images. They do seem to make me think of other things besides the colors, shapes, and movement.

It is true, that, even with your eyes closed, you still see moving shapes, that make it hard to go to sleep, not to mention making it hard to see things.

At this stage, when I close my right eye, there are wavey lines on things I see around the outside edges and an irregular purple spot covering all that I try to look at. The left eye is the one with wet macular degeneration and cataracts. The right eye has cataracts, too, but I can see things better with that eye. I tend to close the "bad" eye when I try to see things.

I watched the shapes until I finally fell asleep that night, and made mental notes about shapes, direction, and colors. Later, I sketched the shapes and window, and, much later, added the color with watercolors. This probably would have worked better on watercolor paper. But I used my sketchbook with 65 # Canson acid free paper. I used Winsor Newton watercolors to add a light layer of color, then added the darker Indigo Blue and the brighter greens after the first layer dried.

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In my post about James DeGraffenreid Miles, I left out the names of his brothers. They are all listed on CSA Military Men of Central Alabama. I found this list through the Alabama Dept. of Archives and History online.

Albert Thomas "Tommie" Miles married Ida Katerine Day, sister of Ellen L. Day. CSA, MS 1863. (Truthfully, I don't know what MS, 1863 means. This was on the list. There is more information in the book, "Your Inheritance" Vol. II by Robbie Lee Gillis Ross.)

James "Jim" DeGraffenreid Miles married Ellen L. Day, sister to Ida Katherine, Officer in the CSA, taken prisoner at Ft. Donaldson in 1862, according to the list. He was a POW at the notorious Camp Douglas in Chicago, but was released before the worst times there. He fought again in other battles.

John L. "Bud" Miles, married Mary Elizabeth "Lizzie" "Mollie" Holcomb. Was an officer itn the CSA. He joined Capt. Marcellus Fagg's company in 1862. Fagg was a brother-in-law to the Miles brothers and sisters.

William Miles, MD, married Julia M. Robinson. W.S. Army in Mexico, joined the CSA in Norfolk, VA in 1863.

This is all according to the list. There is a lot more information about them.

Most of these families moved to Texas about the time of the Civil War. Fagg moved to North Carolina after the War.

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Whew! We had a quick power outage and I thought I had lost this blog! I'm relieved to find that it had all been saved.

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If you are following the EDM (Everyday Matters) challenges, the next one is to draw a shell. Those of you on the coast can do this easier than we can here. Fortunately, I have a shell in my bathroom! Maybe someone will bring me back a good one from the coast. I probably will have drawn one, by then-the one that I have beside my garden tub!

We had some good times, looking for shells out on the little islands off Port O'Conner. It was hard to find good shells on the bay since they were usually broken apart before they hit the beach. I think that I bought the one I have in Galveston, years ago.

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If you are in this area, or plan to come here during Sketch Crawl, or for the plein aire workshop, you might like to join the Yahoo Group that I started for people interested in sketching and painting, and such activities in the Brazos Valley area. http://groups.yahoo.com/group/BrazosValley_Sketchers. I put quite a few pictures on there from previous Sketch Crawls and the Plein Aire Workshop from last October in Calvert.

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A big get well wish goes out to Walter in Calvert. Hope you get better quickly!

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I apologize for the big space again. I don't know how to keep this from happening. I went back and pulled the lines closer together by backspacing, but that is going to leave even more space at the bottom.

I would blame this on the power outage, but this has happened before. I don't know why. I didn't type it with double spacing or anything like that.

Sketch Crawl Yesterday

Here are some of my sketches from the Sketch Crawl in downtown Bryan yesterday. There was a lot going on that I would have liked to have seen during the Texas Reds Festival, but the heat just got to be too much.
It took us forever, it seemed, to get to the Frame Gallery because of the streets being blocked off. More than had been planned, we learned. We ended up with my daughter dropping me off and I had to carry my chair, art supplies, and purse to the gallery.
Pat met me at the Frame Gallery after 9 a.m. After a little visit with Pat, Greta, the owner, and Sarah, her beautiful dog, we decided to venture on toward the LaSalle Hotel, where we hoped that others interested in sketching might meet us.
Walking a couple of blocks doesn't sound like that big of a deal, but you must understand that Pat has trouble walking, and I need a new pair of knees, and can't see worth a hoot from a distance due to wet Macular Degeneration and cataracts.
We put my things in her car, which she had parked before the baricades went up, and drove, as we had been directed, thinking we would find close by handicapped parking. We were told that a shuttle or tram would pick us up and take us to where we needed to go.
Since every street had barricades, we drove around the west, south, and finally on the east side of town, we found one volunteer who would move the barricade and showed us where handicapped parking was supposed to be. We found it at the BTU building, and walked to the street to wait for a shuttle. We saw people who were walking with someone in their party who had an electric cart or chair to ride around in. We asked a volunteer about the tram, since it was getting hot even under the shade of a small tree. They had not seen one all morning and didn't think there was a tram. They explained that parking was across town at Blinn college, and buses could be ridden to the festival. That wouldn't have helped us.
Beside the BTU building, a fire truck was parked and a first aid tent was set up. They had golf carts to ride in with their medical supplies. The volunteer asked the EMTs to take us to the LaSalle Hotel in one of their carts. So Pat rode on the back seat, and I rode up front with a very nice young EMT. They explained that, when we got ready to leave, we could ask a volunteer to call them and they would come back and pick us up. They took us to the LaSalle courtyard and we found the coffee shop.,Pat could get her coffee and we could cool off, while looking for other crawlers. We didn't see anyone else who looked like they might be ready to sketch, and, by that time, we were just ready to sit somewhere and cool off!
We sat by a big window of the lovely restored hotel. Outside the window was a long tent with various food items. Behind the hotel, there was smoke from the grills for the cook off. Further down the sidewalk at the Palace Theatre, a stage was set up and there was music playing. Directly across the street at the Carnegie Library, a stage had been set up with bales of hay for seats. The big grape stomp would take place there later.
We took a few photos with Pat's camera. When those come back, I'll post some to show where we were for the crawl.
I did a sketch of the street where we finally got through the barricade and called it "You Can't Get There From Here". I also sketched the area by the door, across from me, in the hotel. By this time, it was already 11:30.
We walked over to the Carnegie to see the George Bush engine, 4141, that was parked on the tracks between the Carnegie and the Bryan city library. There is a shaded area with a little garden between the Masonic Lodge, with a barber shop downstairs, and the Carnegie Library. Concrete seats and low walls provide a nice place to sit among shrubs and pink and white Crepe Myrtles. I thought that this would be a nice place to work, so we picked out a bench with a good view of the engine and the Library and the Childrens Museum, the old City Hall. All kinds of activities were going on in the area of the library and the museum with a rock climbing wall, something to do with bungee cords, etc. Inside the library, there were programs like the chemistry road show. And we could hear music from performers in that area, too.
I pulled out my sketching things and started to draw 4141 among the Crepe Myrtles while Pat decided to take pictures. The heat was bothering her a lot. Roaming mascots like the HEB bag of groceries and a baseball, the mascot for our new baseball team, the Bombers, stopped to have their pictures taken. A very nice young police officer stopped to see what we were doing. I explained about the sketch crawl and gave him information to pass on. As he left, he shook our hands. We all laughed as he said that we had now shaken hands with Buck Rogers. Sure enough, his name was B. Rogers. I wonder if he got teased about that, or if people expected superhero level things of him, when he was growing up.
Pat took a couple of pictures of the back of the library, with a blossom of Crepe Myrtle hanging down, the train, the mascots, etc. I got enough of the train drawn as a sketch so that I can do more with it later. And we agreed that we needed to go somewhere and cool off. I wasn't sure about a restaurant where we could sit down and draw and cool off. I'm sure there was something, but, with my blurry vision, I couldn't find a sign, and, too, the tents in the middle of the street were blocking my view.
We went back to the LaSalle coffee shop and asked a volunteer to call the Fire Department to take us back to the car. They did and the Fire chief arrived in his little golf cart. A young woman was also there with one of those gator things, a golf cart with a pickup bed on the back. Pat rode with the chief since his vehicle had a top and more shade, and I rode with the very nice young woman. There was some discussion between the hotel people and the city people about who was supposed to be providing tram or shuttle service between the handicapped parking and the festival.
We got back to a very hot car, and thought of where we might go. I told Pat to just head down Texas Avenue, and we should see a sign of some place. Whataburger seemed close and had a big sign, so that is where we stopped. We told them that they were lifesavers! Pat had lemonade and I had a sprite. But, what I really wanted to do was to sketch some more.
So, I sketched Buck Rogers, since that was a fun memory. And the cup with the wonderful cold drink!
We decided to go home, and, I thought that I might go out and sketch some around where I live, after it cooled off, later. Pat brought me home and I decided to just sit in the cool and scan my drawings and darken them a bit. You can tell something about our day from my sketches. The scan of 4141 didn't work out so well, though. The paper was too big for the scanner. I guess it let light in, or something. As a result, it has a green tinge on one side of the paper.
It never did get cool, though. When it got dark, it was still 94. I learned on the news that it reached 99, which, of course, gave us a heat index of over 100. Pretty hot, but, as long as there was shade and a little breeze, and something cold to drink, I was okay with it.
I looked at some of the posts on Sketch Crawl http://www.sketchcrawl.com/ as people have been posting their results. When I last checked, there were posts from 12 different countries and 16 states in the U.S. There is some very nice work, much of it much more finished than mine.
I estimate that I must have spent maybe an hour or so actually drawing, but I did get some things down that I could do more from later. It was all pretty quickly and loosely done.
Sweden had some nice work and photos, and it seemed like a great place to be that day. It was cool there!
Barbara sent word that she, Lynn, and Virginia Vaughan were among those doing art during the Sketch Crawl. Virginia did a workshop in Rockport on that day, so they painted the Cove, and trees, the sunrise, etc. You can read her comment under my last post.
I haven't heard if anyone else in this area was doing the sketch crawl.
If you want to be involved in the next one, you can go to the Sketch Crawl website and get more information, register for your area, if you want to. If you are in this area and want to participate, that will be great. We can work as a group, or you can work on your own, start your own group, or whatever you want to do.
I just think that there are an awful lot of things out there that need to be recorded through art.
I sent out information to area newspapers, and Greta was on "Brazos Arts" on KAMUfm, talking about it. I only saw it used in a couple of calendars. And, just try to send anything to the local paper or tv station by e-mail. Doesn't seem to work very well. Boxes are full, e-mails bounce, or there are no sections online where things I am interested in can be found. Online is best for me, these days, since I can't drive, and gas and things like stamps have gone up so much. I guess that I should have just mailed out press releases.
Maybe next time.
The next sketch crawl should be in 2 or 3 months. That would make it August or September.
I would love to hear if you participated in the Sketch Crawl where ever you are! And, if you are in a surrounding area, I would be thrilled if you would start a group in your town or city, to help Draw the Brazos Valley.
To do the sketches above, I used pencil, on the train engine, on watercolor paper. The others were all done on sketching paper using a Faber-Castell Pitt Artist Pen, superfine. I really like the way that pen works, and it is a permanent india ink pen. They come in a variety of sizes.

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Happy sketching, or whatever it is that you love to do. Get ready for a super week to come!

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Please sign my guest book at the bottom of the page, if you haven't already. And check out my group, Art-By-Cecelia.

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If you see something of interest, let me know. Click on the Contact link.

Vision-The News

The News

4.25" x 6"

watercolors

I watch the news a lot. Not just for the information or to know what is going on. But, I have been known to take notes, just to see if I can keep up with getting the important things down, keeping in practice. And to think about how I would write up what I am watching as a news story. Thinking back to the times when I worked for a small newspaper, and also wrote for a couple of other small newspapers and was a stringer for a couple of larger dailies.

I got my training through experience. It was very interesting, but a bit nerve wracking. I wanted to be sure that I didn't have any mistakes and that everything was as perfect as possible.

When I first started writng a column of local news, my old high school English teacher told me that she was so proud of what I was doing! She told me that she read my articles with a red grading pen and circled any mistakes. She said she couldn't find many.

I thought, "She should have seen what I turned in!" A lot of Xs on each page. The editor told me to not worry about taking time to make it neat, just X out any errors, and write in things I needed to add. The editor, typesetter, and all whose hands it passed through, would make corrections as they worked.

I did give credit for the lack of mistakes to the editor, but she was convinced that I did it all myself.

This, of course, was in the days before computers.

In the painting above, I was watching some of the caucus coverage on Fox News. Greta Van Susteran and Shep Smith were the anchors for a special last week. I closed my bad eye to watch. And, just to check my bad eye, I closed the good eye and watched for a few minutes. I did a little sketch of Greta. I was struck that, in the middle of the purple circle that I see, I could still make out her black blazer, which formed a point at the bottom of the screen. Her white blouse stood out somewhat as did parts of her blonde hair. Her face had a bit of orange across her forehead, but the rest of her face was shadowed a bit. Around the purple circle, there was a dark, mossy green circle.

As usual, I could see the edge of the tv set, the wall, part of the cabinet that the set is on, and the pictures above the tv set, but not her face, when I looked at it.

I can make out that there is something there, and know that there is a head, a face, several heads, and a bit of the things in the center of what I am looking at, but there is that dark circle that covers most of it, when I look through the eye with Macular Degeneration.

I've read that one thing that people with Macular Degeneration really have a problem with is not being able to see faces and to be able to recognize people. I've read that some people can't see the faces of their children, grandchildren, friends, or even people that they meet.

So far, I'm lucky in that one eye is affected, and the other is just blurry from cataracts. But I can still see faces if I am close enough and if I use the good eye. I just hope that this doesn't happen to the other eye. I guess that, since this dark spot is here all the time, I have lost the center vision in that eye.

On Gretawire, Greta's blog, there was a discussion a few weeks ago about Macular Degeneration. I know that she has a bit of an interest in the subject. The discussion is probably still there in the archives.

Maybe I should send her portrait, as she looks to someone with AMD, to her. She is a good sport so I don't think she would be upset by it.

Meanwhile, back to the news!

I have some more information on AMD and "My Vision Test", to share with you. Click on the link in my sidebar under Eye Sites if you would like to see the test. It might help for you to know more about the creator of the test and more information about it. I contacted the man who created the test and will try to share what I learned in my next post.

Be sure to check out the Guest Book at the very bottom of my page. Just scroll down. You can sign it, and even add a picture.

Thank you for reading and sharing. Let me know if you see something that appeals to you!

Vision- A Year Later

A Year Later

4.5" x 8"

watercolors

It's been a year since I got up enough courage to try to save my vision, and went through with getting a Lucentis injection in my eye. I was terrified, especially since even the threat of a normal needle in my body often causes me to faint. But I was even more afraid of losing my vision. The doctor encouraged me, and was patient and kind. So, I went through with it.

"What will happen if she doesn't get treatment?" my daughter asked the doctor when he told how much the treatments cost.

There wasn't any question but that I had to get the treatments somehow. No matter what the cost. I couldn't lose my sight, especially if there was something that would prevent going blind. I need my eyes. Most of my time is spent with art, writing, watching tv, looking for pictures, not to mention the ordinary things like being grandma, cooking, walking around, and those sort of things. I relied on the doctor to guide us and help as I was too much in shock to speak or think.

"No, you don't just have to have treatment. You won't go totally blind," he explained. "You will just lose all your center vision, the part that lets you focus on things. You won't be able to drive, read, sew, or do anything where you have to focus."

"Draw, paint, do clay, watch tv, take pictures, look at scenes, read, write, do genealogy, or anything that I do!" I thought.

"You just decide on what treatment you want and let us know," he said kindly during the first visit. "Your insurance will cover it."

So, the only hold up was my fear, but I finally got myself together and made the appointment.

In earlier posts, I have written about my experiences, and also posted art work that shows what I experienced. All those posts are prefaced with the word Vision. You can find them in my Archives in the sidebar.

I was supposed to go back a week after the shot to get my eye checked, then have regular injections about 4 weeks apart for at least a year. Then, before I went to have my eye checked, I was informed that my insurance was only going to pay a tiny part of the huge bill, and I would have to pay before I could have another appointment. I was really in shock, then. There didn't seem to be any kind of help, and I sure couldn't come up with that amount.

I was going to have to figure out how to cope with loss of vision. Still, I needed to try to do whatever possible to save my sight. I had to try. I tried every avenue the doctor told me about, and did all the research and asking others that I could.

There it was-treatment, out of sight, out of reach, beyond my grasp. But, it was there. Only not for me. Promises for help were just a waste of time for me. I didn't qualify for anything.

The only thing I could think of to do would be to drop my remaining little health insurance policy, and use the monthly premiums to make payments on what the insurance company had not paid to the Retina Specialist. I feard doing that. I thought that, at some time, I might get really sick and need to have some kind of insurance just to get into an Emergency Room.

So, I have not been back to have my eye checked or to get any treatments. In frustration, I started this blog, and have been painting and writing about my experiences. Maybe someone else will be helped by my experiences, although I have run into a brick wall.

I was diagnosed with wet Macular Degeneration in my left eye a year ago last December (mybig Crhistmas present!), when I knew that I was going to have to pass an eye exam to renew my drivers license. I also have some cataracts in both eyes. My 20/20 vision went out the window! The doctors told me that my vision was good enough to pass the drivers test, but, when I got there, I couldn't see a thing but a black background and some green squiggles in the box. So, no more driving for me. That is sort of okay, but it is very inconvenient at times.

I have done a lot of searching, studying, applying for help, and anything I could think of to do to save my sight. I've learned quite a bit, but I haven't had anymore treatments or exams. I'm afraid that my vision loss is permanent, now, and it is only going to get worse.

At this point, the cataracts cause things to be blurry, etc. But the AMD eye has distortion and, when I try to look at something with that eye, there is only a purple, sometimes purple and green, spot covering whatever I am trying to see.

I hoped that the good right eye would compensate, and I could see pretty well by using it. Hopefully, I might even be able to drive, if I could just get the cataracts fixed. But, I can't read signs until I am right up on them, and last week, I realized that I couldn't even see a neighbors house against the trees in the fading evening light. That has never happened before. So, it is best that I dont' drive, for now.

I have noticed that I don't have to wear my old reading glasses for normal reading, now. I do need them for very small print.

Watching tv is a problem, sort of. If I don't really care to watch, I'm okay on my usual perch on the couch. But, if I really want to see something, I have to get up and walk over to the tv set, or I have to put my chair about 2 feet away from the set.

The small painting above shows what a tv program looks like, to me, from the couch. The wavey lines at the bottom are the way I see the scrolling news banners. The letters are just fuzzy marks instead of letters. The foggy purple spot covers the area where I am trying to look. When I was watching this particular program, there were some men in soldier uniforms in the center of the screen, in case you wonder what on earth this picture is about!

I painted this using Winsor Newton watercolors on 140 pound Arches watercolor paper.

For more information about Macular Degeneration and related vision problems, look under Eye Sites in my sidebar. These are some links that I have found that I wanted to share.

I have added a link to My Vision Test, that you might want to try. This is also under Eye Sites. Tomorrow I will write some information about the test and its creator.

If you don't know about it, there is an online group that has conversations and some support that some of you might be interested in. This is called the Macular Degeneration or MD Forum. It does help to know what others go through, and to learn what to expect. I had never heard of such a thing as Macular Degeneration until last year when the Opthamologist told me that is what I had.

I've been particularly interested in how artists who had AMD were able to function and how it affected their art work. Monet, Degas, and Georgia O'Keefe, are just a few of the artists that we know about who are said to have had Macular Degeneration.

Thanks for reading and sharing. Please let me know if you see something of interest to you.

Check out my Guest Book at the very bottom of my page.

And don't forget to take a look at the links in my sidebar.

Vision-Space Shuttle and Station Flyover

See my latest slide show in the post below.
The forecast called for clear skies, cool temperatures, and a full moon just after 7 p.m. Thursday evening. My youngest grandson and I moved our supper plates and went out to the road in front of our house to watch the skies. It was supposed to come from the northwest, fly over, and exit to our southeast. The open field across the street provided perfect viewing of the skies.
The trees have grown up, but we still have a good view, away from city lights, if we go out to the driveway and the narrow country road.
The sky was clear and blue, with an orange glow to the west. A pinkish cloud with a swash of purple made a soft roll across the top of the glow. Green trees in the woods at the edge of the field were growing dark. The "pumper" and oil well across the street were changing from their normal rust color to a silhouette.
"We may see a lot of spectacular sunsets, with the fires in California," I told my grandson. "We always have gorgeous sunsets when there are fires or volcanic eruptions somewhere."
He looked for rocks and I leaned on my cane as we waited.
"I think I see it! Is that it?" he pointed to the north.
"Where? " I asked. "You sure have good eyes. But, then, you know I can't see a bloomin' thing!"
I could hear people in the yards beside and behind us. Others were out looking, too.
After all, Bob French, the weather man on tv, had been telling us about this historic event. The space shuttle and station had docked, with two women in command of the vessels, and would be passing right over us. We would be able to see them for about 5 minutes. We were told to look for something like a white dot that would pass over us. He had hoped that we would see both space crafts, separately, and the full moon on this clear night. But, they had already docked. Still, just to think of people, way up there, in things that we see on sci fi movies, flying by so fast, is exciting enough.
But, no. Not me! I thought that I may not be able to see anything. But this, well, it was different, for sure! What I saw looked more like a white, swept wing bomber from outer space. It seemed to have circles or lights spread from end to end.
"Three, two, one, Blast Off!" A child shouted from another yard as the space crafts passed over.
"I guess that really must be it."
"What do you see?" I asked my grandson as the space craft passed over our back yard.
"It's just a white dot," he answered.
I laughed. "You will have to draw me a picture of what it looked like. You won't believe how it looks, to me! Wow! What a thing I saw!" It seemed to be more like a large, detailed craft, with all the posts, or whatever they are, that connect the parts, and even lights that might be on the station.
When the crafts were out of sight, we came inside and I handed my grandson paper and pencil. We both sketched what we saw. It was almost a little disappointing to see that he only saw a white dot as it passed over.
"Sometimes, I think that you must just be making these things up," my daughter is not very understanding about my Macular Degeneration and cataracts. She is nearsighted, but I'm sure that she doesn't "enjoy" the abstract art that I get to see, especially from a distance. I guess the only people who really can believe me are those who have similar experiences. It is very strange.
Previously, when a group went outside to see one of the shuttles pass over in a night sky, it was very quiet . One of the women in the group insisted that she could hear a whoosh as the shuttle glided overhead. I did listen for a noise Thursday, but all I heard was a rustling in the grass. My grandson said it was a dog.
After he went to bed, I scanned our drawings, then drew mine onto a sheet of watercolor paper.
I wanted to get it done in color, then scanned and put on my blog. But, the paint wasn't dry enough. And I hesitated because I drew my space craft too large. Still, the shape that I saw is there, along with the scene. I just had to play around a little with the oil well shapes, the sunset, and the trees. Streaks of white were placed on the craft with white acrylic paint.
I've spent a while, trying to make the three pictures into a slide show. Finally, I got it done. For some reason, I first made it so that the pictures were flying around and overlapping. I don't know how I did that still! But, I finally got it to do a straight slide show by clicking on the one I had done before of "Deco Street".
I thought it would be nice to show the way the space crafts looked through my eyes, and then show what it really looked like, through my grandson's eyes.
Picture 1 My pencil sketch looking northwest
Picture 2 My watercolor looking northwest
Picture 3 My grandson's pencil drawing looking southeast
(He added an arrow to show where the space crafts are in his picture)
The drawings are 8.5" x 11" in pencil. The painting was done with Winsor Newton watercolors and is 5.5" x 9.5".
One little note. I got a notice of acceptance into the Downtown Art Auction November 2 in Bryan, Texas. More information later. So, if you are in the area, go downtown and enjoy the art, and buy something!
Be sure to check out the links on my sidebar. And let me know if you see something that is of interest to you.
If you are a newswatcher, or have an interest in the subject of breast cancer, check out www.gretawire.com . Monday night, on Fox news, Greta Von Susteran is going to have a special at 9:00 p.m. central time, and 10:00 p.m. eastern time. She has been on a tour with Laura Bush to the Middle East, to raise awareness about breast cancer. They just returned to Washington D.C. Friday night. Greta has an excellent blog called Greta Wire, and she has been blogging and sending pictures and videos all during the trip. She has room for comments with her posts, and she does read them. It has been really great to be able to "travel" with Greta and the First Lady via the blog. Something that I would never get to do otherwise. Greta has a wonderful job! Anyway, just wanted to spread the word so that everyone who can, will tune in and learn more. Greta's program is "On The Record" and it is on Fox News.
The weekend is upon us, so I hope that you can get out and enjoy the fall beauty and have "good golf, good tennis, good painting, or whatever makes you happy." (As Marvin Zindler always said when he signed off for the weekend on his segment of the news program from Houston.)

Vision-TV Movie

TV Movie
Image size 8"x 11"
Paper size 9"x 12"
watercolors

Can you guess who the actor is? Do you know what movie I was watching?

It was an August night, the wee hours of the morning, actually, the time when the best old movies seem to come on tv. I hung one foot off the edge of the bed as I watched the television set in my bedroom. Flares of blue light surrounded the screen and broke the darkness of the room.

It is a good movie. One of those that I didn't appreciate when it first came out, but one that grows on me the more I see it. I first became more interested after watching "Star Trek" and realizing that a young William Shatner was in it. He really looked good then. And, in more recent years, I have decided that this is an excellent move.

Another movie that falls in that category is "Treasure of Sierra Madre". As a loyal Tim Holt fan, I would watch any movie with him in it, over and over. But, when this one came out, I didn't like it. I hated that beard Tim wore in the movie. He was so good looking and that awful beard just hid his face. I didn't care for Humphry Bogart, but I got more interested when I read that Jack Holt, Tim's father, had a tiny part in the movie. It took me a long time to find the scene that he was in, but I finally found it. As I watched, and grew older, the movie, and the story, became more interesting. So, now, when it is on, I am going to watch it, with my chair in front of the tv set so I can see their faces. (I still don't like that beard, though. I think the story would have worked without it.)

The faces, now, as I watch, are distorted in color and shape, unless I am sitting about 2 feet in front of the tv. Yes, color, although this was a black and white movie that I was watching! There was a purple circle over the main part of the picture, with green surrounding the purple area. A warm glow washed over the rest of the image. I could just make out a shape of the tv screen behind the rays of light.

I guess my cataracts create the effect of the rays and blurring, while Macular Degeneration causes the distortion and strange colors. Put them all together, and it makes for some abstract views. When I close the good eye, the purple and green spot with distorted lines around it, are always there. And, the image is darker. With both eyes open, I can see better, but things are still as in the painting above, blurred and distorted, unless I am really close. At least they are brighter and closer to a realistic color. Print is sometimes very faint, a light gray or blue, and just marks. If I move back a bit, they become wavey and look like squiggles instead of letters. From my bed, I can't make out what the tv says at all. I have to constantly get up and walk over to the tv set, if I want to find out what I am watching, what time it is, or what year a movie was made. The same is true of watching tv from the couch in the den. If I really want to see a program, I move my rocking chair and a tv tray in front of the tv set. Of course, no one else in the family can see, then. I guess it is lucky that they don't like most of what I like to watch, so they leave me in front of the tv while they go their rooms and watch what they want. They don't know what they are missing!

Have you guessed the movie or the actor, yet? I was going to give you a cliff hanger and tell you to come back tomorrow to find out. But, I won't do that to you. The actor was Richard Widmark. The movie was "Judgement at Neuremburg".

"TV Movie" was done with Winsor Newton watercolors on 140 pound Arches watercolor paper.

Look at the new things that I have added on my sidebar. I've found some interesting things that I think you will enjoy.

Send me your comments and inquiries. I do appreciate those. And please continue to share with others who might be interested. If you see something that appeals to you and that you are interested in purchasing, let me know. You can click on the link where it says contact.

Vision-May Sketch

Graduation sketch 4"x5.5" pencil

April ended, and we moved to the end of school, working toward graduation activities for my oldest grandson. Such a huge class! 750 plus. Much more than the school where I had taught. I thought that my whole high school graduation class would fit on the first row of one section, and have seats left over. We had 19, the biggest class that had graduated in years. But, that was many years ago, in another place.

The graduation was held in a large arena, where university graduations and even the circus are held. We had to sit up high, with the band in front of us, and the choir, speakers, administrators, along with all those rows of seniors filling the rest of the floor. Everyone looked tiny to me, but, with my eye problems, it was even worse. They were blurry, distorted, and the colors were different. There was a giant tv screen above the scene, but I couldn't make it out, either. They were also blurry and distorted. I could tell only that they were showing head and shoulder shots, where, in looking at the scene, we could see tiny figures and objects.

I kept asking where my grandson was sitting, or where he might be walking. I never did see him. I clapped when it was appropriate, but I never could see who I was clapping for.

That was frustrating. To not be able to see my grandson graduate, after all these years of working toward that goal, and knowing that there were classmates of his who did not make it because of the TAKS test. I was relieved, excited, tearful, at times, and I couldn't even see him, except before and after the ceremony. I felt like I missed the big moment, when he got that diploma.

But, I did get to see it on tv, finally, this week. But only when I stood in front of the set to watch.

I knew that the ceremony would be very long, with that many diplomas to hand out. I only knew a few of the other seniors. I didn't want to cry, but knew that there would be some choking up, at least. So, I packed my purse with Kleenex, along with some paper, folded, and pens and pencils. I wanted to take along my clipboard, that I use like a sketchbook. It has a compartment for keeping pencils, erasers, paper, and a pencil sharpener, reference photos, or whatever I can pack in there. I've been carrying it everywhere for a few years now. But, such things were not allowed in the arena, due to security. So, this trip, I just folded some typing paper, and put it into a side pocket in my purse. My daughter carried the camera.

And, sure enough, as we entered the lobby of the arena, security was checking purses and belongings. I told her I had a lot of Kleenex because I knew that I was going to cry. She laughed and handed us a program. It looked like it would be a really long morning. But, I was prepared to draw, if it got to be too much to sit through.

The place was packed, because, not only did we have everyone associated with our school graduation, but they had scheduled several schools to graduate that day. And, it rained!

We sat through the band and choir practicing, for the first time for this program, and then the actual ceremony. It did get long, and so I sketched. My daugther took a few photos, but we were so far away, that we couldn't see much in them. Tiny little people and objects.

The above sketch, not finished, shows the scene as the students received their diplomas. I thought that my grandson had received his diploma and was being hugged by someone as he returned to his seat. However, he said that this was not him. So, again, I didn't see him. I didn't fill in all those rows of little mortar boards. My eyes just couldn't take it!

I was showing the youngest grandson how to start with a "stick" or gesture drawing, that can be completed later, and that also helps the artist to observe enough that they can remember much of what they saw, really fast. And, now, in his art class, they have been drawing fast, scribble drawings of people. He has done a good job with that project.

I also did a gesture drawing of my daughter and grandson sitting next to me, as they read their programs.

At this stage of my Macular Degeneration and cataracts, I can see up close, most of the time. Although I do have trouble connecting lines when I draw, at times, or patterns and certain light, seem to make my eyes do funny things, I can still read and see faces. Sometimes light can make things look like there is glitter all over an area, like the way that strong sunlight seems to sparkle on a sidewalk that has reflective material, or bits of glass, in it .

The sketch below is the gesture type drawing of my daughter and grandson, as I already mentioned. I like the simplicity of it, just the way it is, as well as the lines and curves. I could do a more detailed drawing from it, but I like the way this turned out.Reading Programs 4" x 5.5" graphite
You can go back and read my other posts on my experiences with Macular Degeneration in my Archives, or earlier posts. I interrupt one series to add in other things as I feel they are appropriate. All the posts on AMD experiences, are prefaced with the word Vision, which might make them easier to find. I have been trying to show what happened to me, in the order that things have occured. The next post will be about what I saw in early June.
At first, I thought that the graduation sketches were not all that significiant. But, as I wrote this, I realized that it was quite a big deal that I couldn't see my grandson get his diploma because of my eyes.
At some events, I have thought that, they should allow people who can't see very well, to sit up front. It is frustrating to go to see events, and not be able to see. To be fighting being almost nauseated and dizzy from the distortion and wavey lines, blurring, etc. instead of listening to and seeing the person you came to see. I did request that I be allowed to sit on an aisle seat at the George Bush Library when we went to see Tony Snow speak. I still couldn't see other than figures, as we were about midway back in the auditorium. They were telling me to sit by a wall, behind tall people, until I told them that I couldn't see out of one eye. I still wonder what the Secret Service people thought, when, as Snow and Bush 41 were talking to us, and there was this one old lady, leaning out in the aisle, and winking at them! I caught myself closing one eye, trying to see better, and thought that I had better stop that before the Secret Service men pounced on me for doing who knows what. So, I spent the rest of the Q&A session, straining to keep both eyes open, and see. All I could do was listen, and visit with the man sitting next to me, during lulls in the program.
I'm beginning to think that they need to provide seating for people who can't see very well, just as they provide places for wheelchairs. Another thing I experienced, due to my knees and surgery, not my eyes, is that stores need to have merchandise located down low for people who have to ride in those little electric carts in stores. You can't see merchandise, as you shop, or reach what you need from those little carts. Now, I have to ask people to read labels or tell me what items say. I have to look for shape, color, and size of familiar objects in stores.
I had remarked thatTony Snow looked really well, then, and I was surprised that his hair looked brown. It was only a few days later when he announced that cancer had returned. He was one of the most enthusiastic and intelligent speakers I have ever heard. The place was packed with an overflow audience. I still hope that all will be well for him. I hope he didn't see the elderly lady who seemed to be winking at him when he visited the George Bush Library!
Tomorrow, look for another watercolor in my series on Macular Degeneration.
Thanks for reading and sharing my work. I do welcome comments and inquiries. If you see something of interest to you, please let me know.

Getting the Diagnosis

Getting The Diagnosis
What Are You Saying!
watercolor 8" x 12"

The room, with its dim fluorescent lights, seemed to be filled with a soft fog which swirled around the doctor. The shoulder of his white coat stood out, as did the side of his face. Lights reflected in his glasses.
Of course, I wasn't seeing too well, after having my eyes dilated, dye injected into my veins, and extremely bright lights flashed into my eyes. I was about to relax, thinking that the worst part of the visit must be over. My daughter came in to sit in a chair in front of me as the doctor looked over his papers.
I held onto the arms of the elevated examining chair.
The doctor assured me that my vision was good enough to pass the eye exam for renewing my drivers license. He handed me some brochures.
"You are going to lose your vision," he announced.
"What? What is he saying? This can't be happening!" I thought. I felt like my mouth was hanging open, all the way down to my feet, and my eyes were wide open, trying to comprehend. I tried to listen intelligently, but the words were not all coming to me.
"The good news is that there is a new treatment that has just been approved." I wondered how often the doctor made this same speech. He had the words memorized well. I just couldn't catch all of them. Maybe he would "replay" it for me.
"It involves an injection in the eye every four weeks." I could see my daughter grimmace and I caught my breath. He continued without a pause, "The bad news is that each injection is $2,000. And, you will have to come in to have it checked to see how it is doing, in between. Any questions?"
"Shot in the eye!" My daughter gasped.
"$2,000.oo a shot!" I gasped.
"We''ll have to think about that!" My daughter exclaimed. "What if she doesn't get the shots?"
"She will not go totally blind, but she will lose all of her center vision. She won't be able to drive, read, write, watch tv, sew, cook, and a lot of other things. The kind of AMD that she has comes on fast and progresses rapidly."
I couldn't scrape my mouth up off the floor to speak very well. I struggled to act brave, reasonably intelligent, and responsible.
"I'm just a retired teacher. I don't have that kind of money," I explained.
"I understand. But there are foundations that can help. You just need to decide what kind of treatment you want. Go home, read your books, and let us know," he said.
"You are not getting shots in your eye! That's gross!" My daughter said as we left, all the way home in the car, and continued through the next days.
"Lose my vision? What will I do? I can't lose my vision! A needle in my eye! That is worse than gross!" I tried to read the material, and went online to do some research on Wet Macular Degeneration. Everything else was blocked as I tried to grasp what was happening.
My mouth did start to function properly again, but I was still overwhelmed and shocked.
I had always had 20/20 vision.
In 8th grade, I wanted to look as smart as other students who were getting glasses in our school. I convinced a great-aunt to take me to the eye doctor. I could see the chart just fine, but I purposely told the doctor that I was seeing something else, or acted as if it wasn't clear. After all, if I were to get glasses, I was sure that the teachers would give me better grades if I looked smarter! What a shock when the doctor, at the end of the exam, announced that I had 20/20 vision and didn't need glasses! I was so disappointed. I was sure the doctor must have detected every fib. I finally got reading glasses to read grade books and attendance sheets almost 40 years later.
When I was about in 5th grade, there was a radio program from Dallas where people could write in questions and someone would look up answers, then answer them on the radio. I wrote in to ask the meaning of my name. The person read the answer saying that the name was Italian and meant "blind". I remembered this as I searched for information on AMD. Maybe that was predestination.
I also thought of a great-aunt who had gone blind due to cataracts, before many people were getting cataract surgery. I'm sure that they didn't operate because she was a widow with little money. That was so sad, to think how people, even in the hospital and nursing home, would steal her things, with her sitting right there. And worse to think that it could have been prevented with cataract surgery.
Still, I didn't want to consider a needle in my eye, or someone cutting on my eye.

Doctor's Office

Doctor's Office 8.5" x 11" ink

When I was a child, I loved comic books, along with the movies. And, every Sunday, as kids, we spread the funny papers on the floor to read while the grownups visited, cooked, or took a nap. The funny papers were part of life, just like movies, radio programs, and magazines. There was a time when the newspapers didn't come out, so our president, FDR, read the funny papers over the radio. I don't recall that I heard the broadcast, though.

I also had a need to express myself with pictures and stories from a very early age. We didn't have art classes in school then. There were a couple of artists in town, and one who was an art teacher in a city, during the school year. But one was busy with her own creations, and the other took care of her elderly mother in the summer. I didn't know there was any such thing as art lessons or classes. Still, I would use notebook paper, pocket note pads that stores gave out to customers, or whatever I could find, and try to draw, as children will do. I didn't know that my mother had taken art classes when she was in school, and had done beautiful drawings. Later, she brought out oil paint and became serious about painting. But, when I was small, she was busy with things like washday on Monday, when they had to scrub clothes in the sink on a rubboard in the kitchen, then take them outside to a washpot over a fire, then hang them on a clothesline to dry. Tuesday was ironing day. Wednesday was housecleaning day. And on the week went until Saturday when she practiced the organ, and Sunday when she played the organ for church, then we had family dinners. In between, she had piano lessons to give, and two little girls and a husband to care for. So, I wasn't aware of her doing any art work until I was about junior high school age. I probably wouldn't have listened, if she had offered suggestions. I had to just find out things for myself.

One of my early attempts at art just almost stopped my whole career. My mother had Olan Mills portraits taken of my sister and me to give for Christmas presents. She had one color picture done, the rest were black and white to give to the relatives. That was all she could afford, she explained.

Unfortunatley, she showed me the pictures and I was so disappointed that the pictures were not all in color. I thought that would be terrible to give the inferior pictures as presents. My mother put the pictures in one of her hiding places-the hall linen closet. Well, while she was busy with things in the kitchen one day, I just couldn't stand it any longer. I got out her lipstick and some crayons and gave those pictures some hair color, lipstick, cheek color, and eye color. I was fixing those portraits! Now they would be colorful and good enough to give as presents! I think I only finished one when I heard her leaving the kitchen. I quickly returned the pictures to the closet and went into another room.

My mother took the portraits from the closet, ready to wrap them for presents. I was standing beside her, waiting to see how pleased she would be when she saw how I had fixed the picture and sure she would ask me to fix the rest of them.

I was horrified when my mother gripped the pictures and stood there in the hall, screaming, with tears rolling down her face. She didn't say a word. She didn't even spank me with the hairbrush. She just kept screaming! I didn't know why. Those pictures now had some color!

I took my art "underground" after that. I took my crayolas to decorate under the kitchen sink, and crawled inside the kitchen cabinets to decorate under that sink. When we had dinners at my great-aunt's house, I would take kids under the table to play while the grownups visited after dinner. Hidden by the tablecloth, we could tell secrets and practice writing and drawing. I taught the younger ones to do their ABCs on the underside of the table. Years later, my great-aunt couldn't figure out where those childish crayon markings came from under her good dining room table.

Inspired by radio programs and movies, or just having a need to draw, or maybe it was because my mind drifted and I wanted to be somewhere else rather than in school, I would start out diligently doing my school work. But, soon, I started drawing on my paper. I thought I had always hidden my creations by drawing on one piece of paper, and covering it with what I was supposed to be working on. When the teacher came by, I would slide the drawing underneath and pretend to be struggling with the answers. I guess they really knew what I was doing.

When I wanted to draw something and didn't know how, like an eye or nose from the side, a foot or hand, I would go to the Sunday funny papers for help. I would see how the artist drew that certain thing in strips like "Blondie", "Prince Valiant", or "Steve Canyon". Then I would try to remember and practice it when I returned to my drawing.

At one time, I learned how to draw one leg on people, but I didn't know how to draw the other leg. So, I had all these people with one leg, for a couple of years, until I figured out how to add the other leg. A few years ago, I found a compostition book that was mine when I was in school, with some of my little stories and characters I had drawn. I was inspired to draw one after a movie or two about pirates. I had a story called "The Pirate and the Beautiful Lady". Well, at least, I had the characters drawn and worked out. I had all these people, all with only one leg-including the "beautiful lady"!

As a result of the way I learned to draw, I seem to revert back to my cartoon style, when I am just thinking of something. No matter how many classes and workshops I have taken, and how I can actually do something a bit more polished, that cartoon style will still come out at times.

At one time, I did a weekly cartoon strip for my hometown newspaper, based on daily life there. So many people have gone, though, that life would seem to be different and those cartoons seem more like history now.

The cartoon above is about my visit to the specialist I was sent to after being told I had to go there right away. I was sure that all I needed was glasses.

I was apprehnesive enough, having the weekend to worry about what they might do to me. My daughter drove me to the appointment and waited in the waiting room for me.

I stopped at the door, startled by a sign that said, "If you're sick, don't come in." It added, "Go home and call for another appointment."

Well, I had to think a bit about that one. I understand that it was a different kind of doctor's office, not one where you would normally go if you had something like a sore throat. It just sounded rude, to me, though. What else is a doctor for, but to treat the sick? If you weren't sick, you wouldn't be there, unless you just need a check up or paperwork filled out.

There was another sign at the check in desk, that said they wanted payment before you saw the doctor. I thought that was odd, too. How could you even know how much it was going to be before you saw the doctor! I got even more scared, thinking that it must be so bad that people wouldn't be able to pay after they saw the doctor.

I filled out the new patient forms, gave the receptionist my drivers license and teacher retirement insurance card to copy. I sat down, and waited. The receptionist told me that my insurance would pay for it, so I just had to pay the copay. I was prepared to pay the $132.50 that the other doctor said an eye exam would cost. I was almost shaking and tried to relax by starting to draw. That always brings the nurses out to get me!

I was taken to a little room where more questions were asked and I was given a routine exam with the "machine", eye chart, and drops to dilate and check the pressure in my eyes.

I told them about having the inside of my eyes sunburned while I was working at a track meet years before, and the "migrane" I had in my eyes a couple of years before while I was teaching. That didn't seem to be important.

Then, I was taken to another room for more eye check ups, then to another room for an angiogram and several eye scans. This was not easy since I am one of those people that technicians, nurses, and doctors have a hard time hitting a vein. I usually faint after they probe for a while. I congratulated this techician for being able to get a vein with 3 tries! I tried to relax and not faint.

Lights flashed and I saw things inside my eyes that were really strange. Floaters, that I knew I had, and it was as if I could actually see inside my eye. Blood vessels and all.

The doctor came in with something that looked like a clipboard, but it had a computer screen. He showed me the scans and told me that I had some "pretty fair" cataracts, and wet macular degeneration. He handed me some booklets to read. By then, I could barely see.

In my cartoon, above, "Doctor's Office", I have shown the front of a doctor's office. Dr. Arex (as in rx for prescripitons) is ficticious, of course, as are the other characters. Nurses don't wear uniforms like that anymore, but, how else would we recognize a nurse unless she had a uniform. According to the sign, the doctor only wants to see you if you really don't need a doctor, for anything serious, especially, and if you have plenty of money with you to pay right away. No waiting around for things like insurance payments. A hand reaches out, hidden from view of the patients, expecting cash to be put in the palm before anyone can proceed further. The nurse has a little sympathy for the patients, but the hand doesn't even acknowledge them. The hand believes that all old people have plenty of money hidden away, so she isn't concerned about them-just as long as they pay in full.

Two patients approach the door, not knowing that they needed to bring money, or that they needed to be well, before approaching this doctor's office. They have been injured. He is cut and bleeding, and her eye is hanging out. They hesitate as they read the signs. But can they really wait? Will the doctor see them, even if they are sick, and didn't bring a lot of cash with them? Can they make it to a hospital emergency room, which will cost even more?

And, speaking of the doctor, where is he? He isn't involved in the decision as to whether or not he can or will take care of these patients. He is sheltered, protected by the "hand" up front, from whatever might walk through the front door. He will only see patients who are approved.

And what are those who are not approved supposed to do? That isn't his problem, or "the hand's" problem, or even the company's problem.

It wasn't all that long ago that it cost $5 or $10 to see a doctor. Most people didn't have insurance. It was possible for people to pay for most treatments. Church groups, relatives, the bank, or communities helped pay for expenses when someone in town needed more medical care than they had money for. Doctors would come to the patient's home. They were not only the doctor, but were civic leaders, trusted friends, and respected community leaders. Some did let their power go to their head. Some had rude people working for them as receptionists or nurses. Some doctors were gruff, or were selective in who they saw. But, there was care for almost everyone. People could work with the doctors and make sure that the whole family was cared for.

Now, if people don't have insurance, plus cash, and a lot of it, it seems that more and more people are just out of luck.

My primary doctor had told me that I would have to take certain medications the rest of my life, and that I needed to have tests done, and surgery on my knees. I explained to her that her company would expect to be paid. She hugged me, told me that things would work out for me, she would pray for me, and I should be sure to go to church, as she walked away. I was stunned, knowing that there was nothing I could do. I just tried to smile.

"Doctor's Office" was drawn with ink on cardstock.

Vision-Watching TV

TV Stars 9" x 12 " watercolors

There had not been any more wavey vertical or horizontal lines, or faces with sunflowers in front. I was even able to read the newspaper, most magazines, and books with decent sized print without reading glasses. I used those for smaller print, when I had a lot of reading to do and, before I retired, for forms like roll and grade sheets. I had to use the glasses a lot when I was still teaching.

I was watching tv, something I do a lot of. Some of it was not all that clear. At lunch, I liked to have a sandwich while I watched the British comedies on tv. It was like having lunch with a friend. But, in order to make out the faces, or specific scenery, I had to stand up and walk over closer to the tv set. Sometimes, at night, while watching programs with the family, I would sketch or read my book. I wasn't all that interested in the programs, but it was time together while the younger crowd enjoyed what they wanted to watch.

I was also having to ask the younger folks what time it was, or what the words were on tv. I could read them, if I walked over to the tv set.

One night, I was watching one of the late night talk shows in which Phyllis Diller was a guest. How odd! She seemed to have two mouths, two noses, two sets of eyes and eyebrows, two jaws, while her neck and body were normal. I grabbed my watercolor paper. Then Jimmy Kimmel was on and he seemed to have two faces in profile, with his facial features a bit distorted. A man playing the piano seemed to have three heads in different positions while he was actually just sitting there, not moving around much. I switched to Jay Leno and he, too, had two mouths, double eyes and nose, as well as the side of his face appeared to be doubled. I sketched them to remember what I was seeing.

Lines of print were double and fuzzy, and had a wave in them, similar to what the venetian blinds looked like previously. I added a few lines of print to my sketch.

The next day, as I was watching one of my favorite British comedies, "As Time Goes By", Judi Dench seemed to have a very distorted face. A very long, curved nose, double eyes, cheeks, and lips, as well as the side of her face. She had on a wide brimmed hat and a suit, which were clear. Goeffrey Palmer also had a distorted face, with a long, curved nose, while the rest of him was clear. I sketched them, too, then added watercolors.

In the mail, I received a notice that it was time to renew my drivers license. I was sure that, at my age, that would involve an eye test. With what was going on with my vision, I feared I would need glasses.

I had been using some $5 reading glasses and a pair of drugstore glasses that I had for years. The doctor had given me a prescription for glasses at the last visit, as he said my distance vision had changed slightly. But, he added, I really didn't need them. Drugstore glasses would do just as well, if I felt I needed something. I stuck with my little cheap glasses, which worked for me.

But that had been a couple of years ago, so I thought my vision must have changed and that's why things were looking funny.

Problem was, paying for a copay and glasses. I couldn't afford Medicare anymore, and had lost my good insurance when I retired. I still had retired teachers insurance, which required people to have Medicare as well. They would pay for very little. My income had dropped to about 1/3 of what I made while I worked, but expenses kept going up.

I had quit taking medicine or going to doctors after I found how little the insurance would pay. Even when I had both Medicare and retirement insurance, they wouldn't pay for a lot of things, including the ambulance to take me to the ER when I couldn't get out of bed due to my knees. ( I still think that was extremely necessary, but they didn't. Their information didn't say that ambulance transport was only for life threatening situations, which is why they said they wouldn't pay. ) I could manage some drugstore glasses, but not the kind with a prescription, or a doctor's visit.

One more expense to have to worry about, but I had until after Christmas to renew my license. So, I just put that in the back of my mind. I was sure that glasses were in order, but feared that they might tell me that the cataracts were causing my problems. I tried not to think about it, and prayed that I only needed something that was really cheap.

I wasn't driving, due to my knees, anyway, so it could wait until Christmas was over. The distortions were just a minor inconvenience as I watched tv or tried to see the time on the clock on the cable box or the stove. That could be remedied by asking someone, or getting up and walking closer.

Painful knees and feet (from nerve damage), fluid, and other things like the need for money, seemed to be more pressing, but I couldn't do anything about those, either.

I thought that the tv stars might either get a laugh, or be upset, if they realized how I see them from a little distance.

Some glasses would solve the problem, I was sure.