Vision-The Eye Chart

The Eye Chart

January 8, 2008

5.25" x 8.25"

watercolors

Yesterday, I sat in my aunt's eye doctors' examining room with her while she had her annual eye exam. My aunt is in a wheel chair, so she needed to have someone there with her. She has one bad eye, that she truly can't see out of, and was using only reading glasses until last year. We determined that she can see much better with glasses, so they gave her some to wear all the time.

They went through putting drops in her eyes,and covering each eye, shining a light in her eyes. All the things they do in an eye exam. They had to keep directing her where to look. But, she actually read the letters as they flashed on a mirror beside where I was sitting.

I looked, too, to see what she was looking at and even checked the wall behind her, where the letters were displayed on a wall.

I was getting a little distressed. I didn't even think to close each eye and look, but I did try to see the test she was taking. I couldnt' make out any letters, while my aunt was able to read some of the letters.

The above painting shows several of the rows of letters that was shown to her, as I saw them.

For the large letters, I saw a simple diamond ring with a cold, blue stone in it. On the opposite end, there was a gift wrapped package, with a red ribbon and a bow on top. In the center, there was an abstract purple shape. In another row of letters of a different size, there seemed to be stylized shapes that resembled flowing letters, but with holes in them, like lace. One seemed to have something like a broken pencil or popsicle stick on one side of it. The smaller lines of letters were just a bunch of scratchy marks on gray.

I do realize that this is leaning a bit, and that my lines are not straight. But remember that I was sitting to one side, out of the way, looking into a mirror in a darkened room. Things were not straight or even as I looked into that mirror.

This reminded me of the eye exam I had a year ago, to renew my drivers license. Two eye doctors told me that my eyes were good enough to pass that drivers test. But, when I got there, all I could see was a black background with some green squiggles instead of letters. ( I have a painting about that called "Vision-Ready To Go" in my archives on the sidebar.) When I got my Lucentis injection, just before that exam at the DPS, and as soon as I was pronounced ready to go, I could see the eye chart in the room. I could make out letters, although some were blurry and overlapped, but I could still make them out. So why couldn't I see any letters on the eye test at the DPS office?

I wondered, yesterday, if this was my imagination, if something was not connecting with my brain, or is it the Macular Degeneration and cataracts. Maybe he was giving her a different kind of test, like they might give to children, where there are objects instead of letters. But, no, that couldn't be. She was telling the doctor what letters were there, and he was reacting to that.

So, I knew there were letters that I should be seeing.

"One of these days, I may have to get these cataracts taken care of, " I commented to the tech lady or whatever her job is called now. (I would have said nurse, but there are so many different people working in doctors' offices these days, that I don't know who is what unless I ask them.)

I expected her to say something like, "Oh, do you have a problem? We do that here." Instead, she just said a disinterested "Oh".

I didn't mention the AMD or ask any questions. After all, this was not the doctor I had been to. But, I really don't have a doctor, and just saw a doctor that I had gone to many years before when I thought I needed glasses last year. And he immediately sent me to a Retina Specialist, who won't see me anymore due to his demand for payment of thousands of dollars, before each visit, or much better insurance than I have. So, I'm kind of shopping around to see who might be interested in me and my health, at an affordable price. I guess that person no longer exists.

I didn't mention the fact that their letters looked like objects to me, but now I am wondering why I saw things the way that I did.

"Okay, we'll see you next year!" the tech lady said as she wheeled my aunt to the door.

As I stood up, I could see some of the letters still reflected on the wall. Those were thick, black letters, and not a sign of an object, or anything that looked like an object among them. And, there certainly was no color.

Maybe, in my mind, I just made up a more interesting eye chart. I'll bet I could make a story out of the eye chart as I saw it yesterday.

Look back in my Archives for more of my art work and experiences with Macular Degeneration. All of those posts are prefaced with the word "Vision".

Also, read my post from yesterday where I began telling about a website that has an online test for Macular Degeneration. I have a link to MyVisionTest in my sidebar under Eye Sites.

Virginia Vaughan has announced that her book of some of her paintings about "The Last Year On The Farm" is out and ready to be ordered. See her blog or website for more information. I have a link to her site under Artists and Authors in my sidebar.

I was struck by the work of artist Russell Baker as I looked at various artists' blogs today. He does lovely work and has some of the most compelling paintings of dogs that you will see. In some of his work, he shows dogs that have encountered terrible circumstances. Some of the stories will just tear at your heart, especially if you love animals and life. I've put a link to Russ, as well, for you to take a look at.

I hope that you enjoy my blog, and that you will pass it on to others who might be interested. Please let me know if you find something of interest to you. And be sure to stop by and sign my Guest Book at the very bottom of my page. Scroll all the way down to the very end of my blog.

Vision- Symptoms

Symptoms

(composite)

11" x 14"

watercolors

It doesn't hurt. There isn't pain. But, vision might be a little blurred. Colors may be hard to distinguish, such as in trying to pick out something in navy blue or black. But that is just part of growing older, just like having to get reading glasses because, as you get older, your arms tend to not be long enough to read, isn't it?

But, then, one day, suddenly, you may look across a room and notice that the venetian blinds are not completely straight. One end has a bump in it. The lines are wavey at one end. You blink, look away, go into another room and return, and the blinds look normal again. You wonder why that happened. Maybe it's time for new glasses? The old reading glasses from the drugstore may not be enough.

Later, that night, at a school function, you are looking down a long hall while talking to a teacher. Odd. The handrail at the end of the hall has a lump in it at one end. It's wavey, not straight. You blink, look away, walk around, then look again. The handrail is as it should be.

You forget about it, although it was a little unsettling. With a lifetime of 20/20 vision, these little quirks of sight are a bit annoying and you hope they will not happen again.

While stopped at a traffic light in town, with someone else driving, you look down the street in front of you, noticing the perspective of the road, the lack of cars driving across the intersection, the buildings where there once was a pasture. But, suddenly, you notice that the telephone poles are, like the venetian blinds and handrail, wavey. Only this time, these are vertical lines. Again, you blink, you turn away, and just hope to get across the intersection quickly so that these wavey lines will stop. It's beginning to make you a little nauseated or sea sick.

"You've got to be the navigator and tell me where to turn," the driver said to me. I watched for the street sign that told me where to turn to go to my house.

"I think that's it, " but I couldn't be sure. The letters just appeared to be marks on the sign. The pole, like the telephone poles, was wavey and making me feel nauseated. I covered my face.

It was the right street and we did make it home. But no thanks to me. I couldn't read the sign and didn't want to look anymore and risk having that seasick feeling again.

Riding with the family at night, you notice that the light pole in a shopping center parking light has 22 lights on it, instead of one! It was so annoying that you made it a point to count how many seperate lights you were seeing on the pole. Usually, it doesn't matter whether the light has one or 4 lights on it, just so it provides the needed light in that spot.

My vision was alright after each little incident. But, more frequently, the same sort of things would happen again.

And then came the time to renew my drivers license. I knew I must need glasses, so I went to my eye doctor for an exam. I've gone into those experiences on previous posts. You can go into my archives to read those posts. Each title is prefaced with the word Vision.

When I asked about the wavey lines, the doctor brought out an Amsler Grid and had me look at that. The right eye was fine, but, with the left eye, the grid had lots of wavey lines, lines that didn't connect, and a purple spot in the center. The doctor got me in to see a Retina Specialist by the next Monday. He wanted me to go that afternoon, but the Retina Specialist was not in town.

I was stunned, shocked, terrified, and had never heard of such a thing.

The wavey or bent lines is a symptom of Macular Degeneration. If you experience that sort of thing, you are supposed to get to your eye doctor or Retina Specialist immediately. I've also heard that trouble in distinguishing colors can also be a symptom of Macular Degeneration.

In my case, there was fluid accumulated in the macula. This makes the macula bend or swell and distorts vision. My doctor wanted me to see a specialist before blood could start leaking from weak blood vessels that would form behind the macula. These weak vessels would leak fluid first, then blood. Once the blood leaked and vision was damaged, it would be gone and could not be recovered.

I was diagnosed with the wet form of AMD. This is said to be one that develops suddenly and does its damage rather fast. The dry form develps slower. But there are treatments for wet AMD, and very little for the dry form. New treatments and tests are being developled.

You can't see anything happening from the exterior of your eye. Your eye looks like it always has. People can't look at you and see that there is something wrong with your vision. And, there isn't pain that makes AMD unbearable. So, looking for early symptoms is important in minimizing the damage that AMD can do.

The painting above is a composite painting I did of the first symptoms I experienced at the beginning of my vision problem. The explanation I wrote tells about what happened in each of the smaller pictures. It begins with the upper left hand corner, moves down to the lower left corner, then over to the right side and back up to the top right-counter clockwise.

I used Winsor Newton watercolors on 140 # Arches watercolor paper to do this painting.

Look under my Eye Sites section on my sidebar to see more links to information on vision and Macular Degeneration.

One new link that I added was to a site called "My Vision Test", which was created by Richard Trevino. I discovered that site through MD Forum, a list that has a focus on sharing about MD and related eye problems.

From their site, in the About section:

MY VISION TEST

"MyVisionTest is an entoptic perimetry computer program. It is intended to supplement the Amsler Grid for patients with macular disease that need to monitor their vision for progression. It is offered free of charge to the public. The vision test and website were developed by Richard Trevino, an optometrist located in Indiana, USA. Although numberous published studies have demonstrated the soundness of entoptic perimetry for the purpose of detecting vision defects caused by macular disease, there are currently no published studies that have employed our computer program. However, we are in discussions with researchers about undertaking such a study. Hopefully, published studies employing MyVisionTest will be forthcoming. "

I'll write more about Rick and the test in another post as this one is getting long, I'm sure. Rick was kind enough to give me some information that is most helpful in knowing more about the test and also about the person who created the test. He certainly seems qualified and interested in doing what he can to help people with Macular Degeneration.

I also added a link to Richard Trevino's website under Interesting Sites.

Thank you for reading and sharing. Don't forget to go to the bottom of the page and sign my Guest Book. Also, join my group, Art By Cecelia, if you haven't already.

Let me know if you see something of interest to you.

Vision-Bitsy

Bitsy

Sleeping on the Couch Arm

6.25" x 4.25"

watercolors

Can you see the cat in this picture?

Bitsy is my elderly calico Manx cat, now 21 years old. She is quite independent, and still gets around very well. She is aloof and a great weather forecaster. She stays just out of my reach, until she knows that I am asleep or can't reach her to pick her up. When I do pick her up, the claws go out everywhere! She likes to sit at my feet, or on the opposite arm of the couch. At night, she starts out sleeping on my feet, but migrates to behind me after I am asleep. She acts a little like a dog, by checking people out when they come in the house, and she was a good watch cat. She also bloodied the noses of a few big dogs who used to come up on our porch. They learned to stay away from her. However, when we lost a few cats to those dogs, Bitsy became a house cat. I guess that is why she has lived so long. She eats well, and will only eat one kind of cat food. Picky like me, I guess, but it has worked well for her.

When there is going to be rain or bad weather, Bitsy crouches low to the ground, creeping along until she finds the safest place in the house. She flattens out lower and lower and has a frightened look on her face. When I notice this, I put her on my bed, with her favorite blanket over her, leaving room for her to get a little air. And, when it is safe, she comes out and starts walking around. The rain may not have even materialized, yet, but Bitsy knows when it is coming.

I was watching tv and decided to check my vision in my bad eye by looking at something other than the television set. I read that people really miss being able to see the faces of their loved ones, or even faces of stranger, when they have Macular Degeneration. I wondered just how much I will be able to see. On this night, I looked over at Bitsy, sleeping on the arm of the couch, opposite me, and on past into the dining and living rooms. I closed my good eye and tried to look with the affected eye.

I could see the green columns dividing the room, the edge of the green hutch, the organ , table and lamp in the living room, though a little blurry, When I looked at Bitsy, I saw the purple spot with the top of her head and her ears sticking out on the right side. I could see one white hind leg hanging over the couch arm in the middle of the purple spot, and a hint of her side above that. And, on the left side of the purple spot, I could see her cute little Manx tail-a little powder puff that has only shown up in recent years. (She has lost a little weight, which is good, as she was a very large cat.)

If I looked at other things in the room, the purple spot moved with my eyes, so that the center is always covered. I could see around the edges, but, if I looked at something, it just wasn't there. The object of what I looked at was always covered up by that purple fog.

I realized, as I sketched Bitsy, that this is what people are talking about. I wouldn't be able to see my cat, or other things, if I didn't have one eye that is not affected by AMD. If it should go to both eyes, and I know that this happens, I wouldn't be able to see Bitsy, my grandsons, or what I might be trying to do.

For more information and sites on Macular Degeneration, look under Eye Sites. And, to see more of my journey with wet Macular Degeneration, see my older posts, or archives. Each of those posts is prefaced with the word "Vision".

I wanted to share with others what I am learning about this problem and how it has affected me. I had never heard of Macular Degeneration when I was diagnosed, and was desperate to find out what I could, to find some real help, and to understand what was going to happen. I hoped that, through my blog and my art work, I might be able to help someone else who found themselves in a similar situation.

I have promised to share with you the information provided by the man who has created the online eye test, "My Vison Test". I have a link to it under Eye Sites in my sidebar.

I had hoped to do that on this post, with this picture, but my little story about Bitsy started getting long. ( I just can't stop typing once I get started! ) I'll send out the information on a separate post today.

Scroll down to the bottom of my page and sign my guest book. You can add a picture if you wish, but you don't have to if you don't want to. You can see some of the different things people have put on there.

I do appreciate your comments and your interest.

Vision-The News

The News

4.25" x 6"

watercolors

I watch the news a lot. Not just for the information or to know what is going on. But, I have been known to take notes, just to see if I can keep up with getting the important things down, keeping in practice. And to think about how I would write up what I am watching as a news story. Thinking back to the times when I worked for a small newspaper, and also wrote for a couple of other small newspapers and was a stringer for a couple of larger dailies.

I got my training through experience. It was very interesting, but a bit nerve wracking. I wanted to be sure that I didn't have any mistakes and that everything was as perfect as possible.

When I first started writng a column of local news, my old high school English teacher told me that she was so proud of what I was doing! She told me that she read my articles with a red grading pen and circled any mistakes. She said she couldn't find many.

I thought, "She should have seen what I turned in!" A lot of Xs on each page. The editor told me to not worry about taking time to make it neat, just X out any errors, and write in things I needed to add. The editor, typesetter, and all whose hands it passed through, would make corrections as they worked.

I did give credit for the lack of mistakes to the editor, but she was convinced that I did it all myself.

This, of course, was in the days before computers.

In the painting above, I was watching some of the caucus coverage on Fox News. Greta Van Susteran and Shep Smith were the anchors for a special last week. I closed my bad eye to watch. And, just to check my bad eye, I closed the good eye and watched for a few minutes. I did a little sketch of Greta. I was struck that, in the middle of the purple circle that I see, I could still make out her black blazer, which formed a point at the bottom of the screen. Her white blouse stood out somewhat as did parts of her blonde hair. Her face had a bit of orange across her forehead, but the rest of her face was shadowed a bit. Around the purple circle, there was a dark, mossy green circle.

As usual, I could see the edge of the tv set, the wall, part of the cabinet that the set is on, and the pictures above the tv set, but not her face, when I looked at it.

I can make out that there is something there, and know that there is a head, a face, several heads, and a bit of the things in the center of what I am looking at, but there is that dark circle that covers most of it, when I look through the eye with Macular Degeneration.

I've read that one thing that people with Macular Degeneration really have a problem with is not being able to see faces and to be able to recognize people. I've read that some people can't see the faces of their children, grandchildren, friends, or even people that they meet.

So far, I'm lucky in that one eye is affected, and the other is just blurry from cataracts. But I can still see faces if I am close enough and if I use the good eye. I just hope that this doesn't happen to the other eye. I guess that, since this dark spot is here all the time, I have lost the center vision in that eye.

On Gretawire, Greta's blog, there was a discussion a few weeks ago about Macular Degeneration. I know that she has a bit of an interest in the subject. The discussion is probably still there in the archives.

Maybe I should send her portrait, as she looks to someone with AMD, to her. She is a good sport so I don't think she would be upset by it.

Meanwhile, back to the news!

I have some more information on AMD and "My Vision Test", to share with you. Click on the link in my sidebar under Eye Sites if you would like to see the test. It might help for you to know more about the creator of the test and more information about it. I contacted the man who created the test and will try to share what I learned in my next post.

Be sure to check out the Guest Book at the very bottom of my page. Just scroll down. You can sign it, and even add a picture.

Thank you for reading and sharing. Let me know if you see something that appeals to you!

Vision- A Year Later

A Year Later

4.5" x 8"

watercolors

It's been a year since I got up enough courage to try to save my vision, and went through with getting a Lucentis injection in my eye. I was terrified, especially since even the threat of a normal needle in my body often causes me to faint. But I was even more afraid of losing my vision. The doctor encouraged me, and was patient and kind. So, I went through with it.

"What will happen if she doesn't get treatment?" my daughter asked the doctor when he told how much the treatments cost.

There wasn't any question but that I had to get the treatments somehow. No matter what the cost. I couldn't lose my sight, especially if there was something that would prevent going blind. I need my eyes. Most of my time is spent with art, writing, watching tv, looking for pictures, not to mention the ordinary things like being grandma, cooking, walking around, and those sort of things. I relied on the doctor to guide us and help as I was too much in shock to speak or think.

"No, you don't just have to have treatment. You won't go totally blind," he explained. "You will just lose all your center vision, the part that lets you focus on things. You won't be able to drive, read, sew, or do anything where you have to focus."

"Draw, paint, do clay, watch tv, take pictures, look at scenes, read, write, do genealogy, or anything that I do!" I thought.

"You just decide on what treatment you want and let us know," he said kindly during the first visit. "Your insurance will cover it."

So, the only hold up was my fear, but I finally got myself together and made the appointment.

In earlier posts, I have written about my experiences, and also posted art work that shows what I experienced. All those posts are prefaced with the word Vision. You can find them in my Archives in the sidebar.

I was supposed to go back a week after the shot to get my eye checked, then have regular injections about 4 weeks apart for at least a year. Then, before I went to have my eye checked, I was informed that my insurance was only going to pay a tiny part of the huge bill, and I would have to pay before I could have another appointment. I was really in shock, then. There didn't seem to be any kind of help, and I sure couldn't come up with that amount.

I was going to have to figure out how to cope with loss of vision. Still, I needed to try to do whatever possible to save my sight. I had to try. I tried every avenue the doctor told me about, and did all the research and asking others that I could.

There it was-treatment, out of sight, out of reach, beyond my grasp. But, it was there. Only not for me. Promises for help were just a waste of time for me. I didn't qualify for anything.

The only thing I could think of to do would be to drop my remaining little health insurance policy, and use the monthly premiums to make payments on what the insurance company had not paid to the Retina Specialist. I feard doing that. I thought that, at some time, I might get really sick and need to have some kind of insurance just to get into an Emergency Room.

So, I have not been back to have my eye checked or to get any treatments. In frustration, I started this blog, and have been painting and writing about my experiences. Maybe someone else will be helped by my experiences, although I have run into a brick wall.

I was diagnosed with wet Macular Degeneration in my left eye a year ago last December (mybig Crhistmas present!), when I knew that I was going to have to pass an eye exam to renew my drivers license. I also have some cataracts in both eyes. My 20/20 vision went out the window! The doctors told me that my vision was good enough to pass the drivers test, but, when I got there, I couldn't see a thing but a black background and some green squiggles in the box. So, no more driving for me. That is sort of okay, but it is very inconvenient at times.

I have done a lot of searching, studying, applying for help, and anything I could think of to do to save my sight. I've learned quite a bit, but I haven't had anymore treatments or exams. I'm afraid that my vision loss is permanent, now, and it is only going to get worse.

At this point, the cataracts cause things to be blurry, etc. But the AMD eye has distortion and, when I try to look at something with that eye, there is only a purple, sometimes purple and green, spot covering whatever I am trying to see.

I hoped that the good right eye would compensate, and I could see pretty well by using it. Hopefully, I might even be able to drive, if I could just get the cataracts fixed. But, I can't read signs until I am right up on them, and last week, I realized that I couldn't even see a neighbors house against the trees in the fading evening light. That has never happened before. So, it is best that I dont' drive, for now.

I have noticed that I don't have to wear my old reading glasses for normal reading, now. I do need them for very small print.

Watching tv is a problem, sort of. If I don't really care to watch, I'm okay on my usual perch on the couch. But, if I really want to see something, I have to get up and walk over to the tv set, or I have to put my chair about 2 feet away from the set.

The small painting above shows what a tv program looks like, to me, from the couch. The wavey lines at the bottom are the way I see the scrolling news banners. The letters are just fuzzy marks instead of letters. The foggy purple spot covers the area where I am trying to look. When I was watching this particular program, there were some men in soldier uniforms in the center of the screen, in case you wonder what on earth this picture is about!

I painted this using Winsor Newton watercolors on 140 pound Arches watercolor paper.

For more information about Macular Degeneration and related vision problems, look under Eye Sites in my sidebar. These are some links that I have found that I wanted to share.

I have added a link to My Vision Test, that you might want to try. This is also under Eye Sites. Tomorrow I will write some information about the test and its creator.

If you don't know about it, there is an online group that has conversations and some support that some of you might be interested in. This is called the Macular Degeneration or MD Forum. It does help to know what others go through, and to learn what to expect. I had never heard of such a thing as Macular Degeneration until last year when the Opthamologist told me that is what I had.

I've been particularly interested in how artists who had AMD were able to function and how it affected their art work. Monet, Degas, and Georgia O'Keefe, are just a few of the artists that we know about who are said to have had Macular Degeneration.

Thanks for reading and sharing. Please let me know if you see something of interest to you.

Check out my Guest Book at the very bottom of my page.

And don't forget to take a look at the links in my sidebar.

Birthday Cakes

Birthday Cakes

5 " x 8.5"

Watercolors

Check out my Guest Book at the bottom of the page. Scroll all the way down.

"What kind of birthday cake do you want this year?" Mama called out from the kitchen as I walked into the living room.

"I don't know," I mumbled. I hadn't thought about a cake. She always just made a cake and surprised me. I hadn't had a choice before.

I had already had chocolate, and plain cake with white icing, coconut, something with pecans, a marble cake, and others that I couldn't remember. I tried to think of something that would be really different. Something that would be such a challenge to make that she might even have to buy it from the bakery, or have one of the ladies in town who made cakes for people, make one for her. I knew Daddy wasn't going to pay for something like that, so, it might end up that I wouldn't even have a birthday cake, unless I stuck with something that my mother could do.

I guess that I was young enough to not realize that my mother could do anything! She could.

I tried to think of what other kids had at their parties, and of their favorite colors, and things that they might like. At school, Kathryn had told us that she liked blue ink instead of black and our English teacher had said that we could use blue or black ink in our fountain pens. So, we went to the drugstore and the variety store, and bought bottles of blue ink. That was the cool color, now. At least, that's as cool as they would let us get.

"A blue cake! I want a blue cake for my birthday!" If blue ink was cool, a blue cake would be cool, too. Of course, I didn't think that it would be possible for my mother to make a blue cake at home.

It was only a few days to my birthday, shortly after Christmas and on the heels of the new year! I always heard that I wouldn't have many presents because it was so close to Christmas and New Years. Or that I couldn't have a party because everyone would be broke after Christmas, or they were tired of the many holiday parties. But, it turned out to be just something to throw me off the track of the party already planned. Some days, right up to the day of the party, I would be told that there wasn't going to be a birthday party that year. And, then, the day of the party, I would be told to dress up, and Mama would fix my hair. She would bake my cake, fix the table, and have Bertie help her clean house for days before the big event.

This particular year, I wondered if I would have a cake-if Mama had been able to meet the challenge I threw out, or would I just have another chocolate or white cake.

I stood in the little dining area, dressed in my party dress, with my sash hanging in the back, beginining to untie by itself. I looked at the table and wondered if anyone besides my great-aunts and grandmother would come to my party.

I was anxious and kept asking, "What if no one comes?"

"They will be here! Now quit worrying and keep out of the way while we are getting ready!" Mama and Bertie were going back and forth between the dining room and the kitchen, and I kept standing right in the doorway.

"You did it! You made a blue cake!" I shouted.

Mama brought in great-grandma's blue plate with the roses and green rim on it, filled with a beautiful blue cake, with blue icing. This would be the hit of all the birthday parties, I believed.

Bertie followed Mama with another cake on a pink Fiesta Ware plate. This one was even taller. It was a fresh banana layer cake. I've never seen anyone make a cake as wonderful as those fresh banana layer cakes that my mother made. I suspect that they were a plain cake, with some bananas mashed into the mix and the frosting. Then, between layers and on top, Mama would carefully place sliced bananas. I don't know how she kept the bananas from turning brown. I know that we didn't have things like lemon juice to squeeze over the bananas and keep them fresh. Still, those cakes were good for several days.

The front door opened and guests started arriving, carrying coats and packages. Of course, it had to be cold on my birthday almost every year. That eliminated going outside to play games. Soon the house was full of noisey children and chattering ladies.

Organized games like Pin The Tail On The Donkey and Post Office or Spin The Bottle, soon turned into running around the house, hiding in various places, and squealing as we tickled each other or pulled some children out of their hiding places under the beds.

When it was time to calm down, and bows and curls in the hair were drooping, and neat party outfits were hanging like play clothes, we were called to gather at the white dining table, with its curved, black-edged corners. Presents were opened. Happy Birthday was sung. Candles were lighted on the blue cake, then blown out as a wish was made. The cakes were sliced and served to guests.

Tired, disheveled children made their way out of the front door and down the little hill to the street. Grownups lingered over their punch and coffee, as Mama and Bertie started to clean up the mess. Now Mama would have to start cooking supper. Daddy would soon come home and want his food.

I placed my presents on the baby grand piano and stared at the gifts, while the grownups talked. I looked out the window, wishing that a few of my friends could have stayed to play longer. I would have to take my new doll or clothes or whatever I wanted to share, over to Edie's house the next day.

Another year older, but celebrating wasn't over yet. Daddy's birthday would be the next week. On Sunday, we would share a family birthday dinner that featured red roast and red gravy. For Daddy, they would have fried oysters and oyster stew. These dinners were held with different families, depending on who felt like cooking.

It has been kind of nice to be an Almost New Years Baby. I never had to go to school on my birthday. They always had a holiday, just for me! By then, people had a little time to recover from Christmas and New Years Eve.

Still, birthdays were always kind of disappointing. It's sort of like when we asked my aunt what she got for Christmas when she was growing up. She couldn't remember. Then we asked what she wanted, but didn't get for Christmas. She just grinned. I knew what it was. A diamond ring! (She had her chances, but her mother always destroyed her chances.) She said that she finally just gave up on a guy giving her a diamond ring, and bought one for herself.

It wasn't really a ring that was missing, for me. It was being with someone special, getting a spectacular present, or having some romance in the day. Just like Christmas, New Years Eve, and every other holiday that could have been romantic.

It was always a little lonely, too, when friends went home. The party was over and the birthday cake was gone. Even that pretty blue cake and the banana layer cake.

I couldn't have the big party for the big _0 birthday. It could have been a milestone birthday with something memorable like that blue cake, but, instead, it was another day. I washed and ironed, watched Gene Autrey on tv. Since I wasn't having a party, or a beautiful cake like I remembered, I decided to paint those cakes from a long ago party. For supper, my daughter barbequed, and we had ice cream for dessert. This was the big celebration.

I guess that I have the greatest gift, though. And that is that I am still here!

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A New Year

January Sunrise

11" x 14"

watercolors

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It's here. Another year. 2008. What will it bring? We hope for the good things-good health, happiness, prosperity, peace, wisdom, friendship, kindness, security, success and good things in life, for each of you.

The above painting was actually done last January as the sun rose, and a cloud , the leading edge of a cold front, rolled over us. The deep orange sun seemed to push a little place up through the cloud so that it could peek through.

My grandson and I had our breakfast together and he was off to school. I got out my watercolors and painted at the dinette table during the morning.

I thought it was interesting that, at the same time as I was painting this, Virginia Vaughan was painting this same front coming through, only from her vantage point at her home about 100 miles to the west.

We didn't do much today to celebrate. We all slept late. The family went to a friend's house last night, after all, and so I saw the New Year in with the dog, the cats, the tv, and the neighbors' displays of fireworks all around me. Those bursts of fireworks looked like what I see normally when I look outside at the lights at night. (See yesterday's post for how I see outdoor lights.)

I don't remember much of a celebration for New Year's Day when I was growing up. The stores would close.

My great-aunt, "Toot", seemed to enjoy New Year's Day more than anyone I knew. She would get up really early, as usual, fix breakfast and then her husband would putter around the house or leave to get the mail, check his grocery store, or whatever he did on days when he didn't work. And that was really rare.

"Toot" would do her daily cleaning, telephone calling, and whatever she needed to do. Then she would fix dinner (we had dinner at noon in our part of the country) of black eyed peas, maybe a Jello salad, ham or maybe hash if she had roast left over from Sunday, corn bread, and coffee or water to drink-maybe custard or milk toast for dessert. She would set up a card table in the everyday room, which they later called a den, and set up two places with everyday china, silverware, and glasses. She put a little bridge cloth over the table, then put placemats down and the larger napkins that her husband liked to use.

Once the table was ready and dinner was cooking, she would sit in the everyday room on her chair to watch the parades on tv. She wasn't idle, though. She would still be working on something. Snapping peas into a bowl, darning socks, or even just reading through a seed catalogue.

Her favorite parade was the Rose Bowl Parade. She loved flowers and kept a large yard that she was very proud of. She watched intently as they told how the floats were made with flowers and sometimes decided on a kind of rose or plant that she wanted to add to her own yard. She also enjoyed the Cotton Bowl parade from Dallas, but her favorite was the Rose Bowl. Of course, she loved roses, so that made it very special to her.

"Honey", her husband, would come home to eat and they would watch the news or the end of the parade, if it was still on. He would leave to take care of whatever he did, sometimes taking a nap in the bedroom next to the everyday room where the tv was. "Toot" would take the dishes to the kitchen, take down the table until the next party or 42 game, wash the dishes and clean up the kitchen. Then she would spread a quilt on the everyday room floor and stretch out on the quilt to take a little rest while she watched "As The World Turns" and "General Hospital".

Sometimes I would stretch out with her. We would read "Life", "Liberty", "Good Housekeeping", "House Beautiful", "Home and Garden", and movie magazines, and "Readers Digest". And, sometimes, I fell asleep. She didn't. When her soap opera was over, she was up and getting ready to go visiting or have callers come to her house.

It wasn't anything so spectacular or unusual, but that is the way that New Years Day went. It was another day, and another parade, but a time when they could rest from their work with the grocery store and around the house.

"Honey" got up every morning at 4 a.m. He had, at one time, driven 60 miles, each way, to a city to buy fresh produce to sell in his store. "Toot" got up with him and gave him breakfast before he left. The store was open until 6:00 in the evening, like the other stores. Then the fire whistle blew and everyone closed their businesses and went home for supper. Later that time was changed to 5, to correspond with cities. Business was down, by then, so there was no reason to stay open if there were no customers on the street.

At my grandfather's house, New Years Day was also a day to rest up for the family. It was a day when they could spend more time checking the cattle, reading the paper with their shoes off, and a day to watch many football games on tv, instead of having to spend all day at the dry goods store. Of course, they still went to the store fairly early to check on things, and see if anyone might be there needing something from the store. Before Grandma died, they always had a big dinner (at noon, remember), that included black eyed peas for luck.

I was always offered a plate, but I always declined the offer, saying that I was eating at home, or I wasn't hungry. I was not about to eat any of those vegetables, no matter how much bad luck it might bring me! Everyone knew that, but they still tried all kinds of tricks to make me eat things that were just plain disgusting to me.

At our house, Mama cooked the required meal for good luck, I drank my milk and ate a piece of fruit. Daddy was busy helping with the cattle or working on something out in the back yard, while Mama went on with her usual day. Daddy would watch some of the bowl games on tv, but he was not just sitting there, glued to the set. He would be in and out of the house, and want us to tell him if he missed anything. Of course, as soon as he left, we turned the tv to something that we wanted to watch.

For me, New Years Day meant that it was just that much closer to having to go back to school. And the anxiety started growing. My stomach tightened and started hurting. I felt a bit of a panic. It also meant that, not only was there a new year, but I was closer to being another year older. And that was a good thing, back in those days.